Weekend anxiety

[Feelingchicken99]

Little back ground, married 10 years together seems for forever, 1 DC ages 9, currently working full time from home and well as schooling since March 20202

So it’s becoming more and more noticeable that on a Friday around the time my H clocks out of work I have this massive feeling of panic dread and what I can only say is anxiety, now I’ve been feeling this way around for him for a good 2/3 years now but since March it’s getting worse I actually resent any time he spends in the house with me, I find it hard to ask how his day has been and during this lock down I will log back in at work for a few hours claiming to be busy so I don’t have to sit and make conversation. I don’t have this feeling towards anyone else I can’t wait for life to re open so I can see everyone I’ve ever meet am a really social person and I speak with friends work colleagues daily with no issues.

The anxiety has set in a little early today, I’ve snapped at DC once and am actually behind with today’s work,

Is this a doctors sort of issue or a tell him he makes me feel this way sort of issue?, most people look forward weekends, where as I hate them and would rather log in to work for 6 hours to hide?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated as this is unknown territory for me

I feel like there's a lot of information missing here.

Why do you dread him being home? Is he abusive?

No not in anyway, he’s needy with my time and emotions, clingy and wants to do everything with me.
I can feel the anxiety, the over all panic feel the heart beat in my stomach the sick feeling the walking around the house being busy and doing nothing.
I’ve been looking at getting some help but as this is a new feeling it has me confused

He sounds like a royal pain in the arse.

That isn't helpful - but I would recommend taking up a new hobby of walking 15 miles a day each weekend.

Oh - and DON'T let him come on the walk

He is what he is and there will be no changing him.
This isn’t a normal reaction though is it, I’ve never questioned my mental health before I know these restrictions aren't helping matter but a man I’ve live with for 14 years shouldn’t have this effect on my mental state.

I can manage 15 mins walk with the dog alone, I go while he’s showering

Has he always been like this (clingy, needed at weekends)?

Thinking back I’d say yes, he will turn down invitations or not do things if am not involved, there are a few unfinished jobs in the house that he has time to do and is more than capable of doing alone but unless I said shall we finish this today he won’t do it alone,

Your problem seems clear to me. But it isn't to you. That's the issue. I actually think that getting a diagnosis for anxiety or talking to your GP is a red herring.
You dread spending time with your DH and feel hemmed it.
I wouldn't live with someone who made me feel that way. If you feel there are redeeming elements of your relationship, then perhaps consider couples therapy. You've asked him to give you space in the past, but he hasn't given it.

@DianaT1969 that’s some real food for thought thank you

There is only him that brings on these feelings of anxiety.
Maybe that long walk is needed this weekend to help get some prospective, maybe I’ve had my head in the sand for a while

Thank you

Yes I think it's for sure a relationship problem and not a you problem.

The anxiety won't go away until the problem that's causing it does.

You need to tell your DH that this is how his actions are making you feel. And then it's in his court whether to help give you space.

If he's not willing then I can't see you've any other option than to leave/have a break.

Thank you @IMissFrance I will take on your advice, I do spend a fair bit of unhealthy time imagining being just alone, I have mentioned the suffocating feeling to him before, can’t say that he’s really taken not of it and Has made me believe this is my issue.

Oh dear. Gaslighting is always a red flag.

I really hope he can listen to you this time and take your concerns more seriously. You deserve to feel happy with the people you share your home with. Xxx

I never thought of it as gaslighting, am going to try and get some alone space this weekend, think over all your comments

I am not sure it’s worth trying to work out if he is to blame for you feeling like this. Although, of course, he should have given you space when you asked for it. Has he always been like this? Having a ‘devoted’ partner who doesn’t spend his weekends cycling or whatever is seen as an attractive trait by some but to people like you and me sounds it sounds awful and overbearing.
How do you feel about the future. What about when he retires?

You have to try and work out if you want to stay with him or not. Maybe you could try some counciling. If you don’t want to stay with him then you will try to find the courage to leave him. I’m sure it would be difficult but it’s not fair on you or him to stay in the relationship if you don’t want to. I don’t know how old you are but I bet you’ve got years and years of life left.

Mostly yes he’s always been this way, when I spoke to him about how I felt his idea to help was to have a photo book of our all important memories made and delivered to me, I remember opening it having a panic attack putting it back in the envelope and throwing it at him when he got home told him somehow he made me feel ungrateful. we seem to have had a relationship where i put up and shut up i’ve always encourage him to go out with friends even paid for holidays for him.
If my future is this then a different one ha
Am 40 this year fingers crossed lots of years ahead of me

Am 40 this year fingers crossed lots of years ahead of me

So you need to decide what you want to do for the next 60 years.

It sounds like you are incompatible.

This isn’t a doctor issue, it’s a husband issue. He’s just a clingy needy pita and you’ve had enough of it, you don’t want to go through it anymore, so you get anxious at the thought of it

Do you really want to continue like this, retire with this man, have him there constantly doing everything together ?

I couldn’t take it myself and it seems you can’t either.

I have been thinking for months it’s all me and that am going crazy, thanks for giving me some different view points