Do I go back to the Dr's

[havalina]

Ok so it's a bit of a long story.
I had my ds a year ago and suffered from pnd, I also probably suffered from pnd with my first(dd) although it wasn't diagnosed.

My Mum died 9 months ago which tied in with the whole pnd thing, proceeding to make it worse.

I took seroxat for 4 weeks, then stopped when I realised the consequences. My doctor accepted this, I then started prozac, which made me speedy and really unable to sleep, I then started dosulepin, which helped with the depression but made me sleepy all the time.
this was all done in quite a short period of ime I felt.

Around now I am just about keeping my head above water, I service the needs of my children, but I am truly unhappy. I hate my life so much, I have no self esteem and confidence, just want to die.
I keep the needs of my kids, and have a partner who loves me, but what should I do?

I feel that I don't want kids at all and I want to just run away and leave them. I am not sure that these are my thoughts or those of pnd, what if they are mine? I would be such a bitch to leave my kids with my oh. But I'm a terrible mother it's probably better I do

Yes. You do need to go back. Urgently. You are taking care of you children but they need you to take care of yourself. They will never be better off without you.

Please go back to the doctor. Some people have to try several different ADs before they find one that suits them. There may be other options for you..

I really understand how you feel. I don't want to say much on here but you can CAT me if you like.

Do you have any support or help at home? Or someone to talk with.

Take it one day at a time - an hour at a time if you need to. And make sure you have time for yourself - a bit of a break, if you can...

{{Big hugs}}

Havalina

First of all - you are not a terrible mother. You are here talking about how you feel, so you do care about your kids. I don't have any practical experience to offer you but yes, you do sound very unhappy - something is causing this unhappiness, and it's not your children iyswim, it's something else - possibly pnd, like you say.
I'm sorry to hear about your mum passing away not so long ago, you are going through a very sad time at the mo - so yes please go back to the doctors (at the very least). Sorry this post is so garbled and not much help - I just didn't want you to go unanswered. In the morning there will be people around with much more practical help/experience than me. I'd better go back to bed now (been up with ds1&2 and now can't sleep), hope you are getting some rest too. Please keep posting in the morning, I promise you won't be alone in how you feel xx

sorry, x-post with OverRated, knew there would be someone around who would understand
{{hug}}

bump for you

How are you Havalina?

Please let us know how you are, Havalina.

Thinking of you

x

thanks for your replies, I'm a bit better thanks. Still feeling very inadequate and crappy, my house is a tip, and can't get the motivation to do anything about it.I seem to be in a constant state of anxiety (sicky clenched frrling in stomach) and I don't deal with stress well.
Guess I know I need to go back to the drs, but something srops me dunno what. thanks for listtening anyway