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How can I not look like the bad guy

5 replies

sunsandwaves · 13/01/2021 19:07

Help. What would you do.

So bare with me and I know this sounds ridiculous but it's really getting to me now. Could be hormonal from just having my first baby but either way I can't deal with it right now.
So I have a big big family all very close. One member of my family I have always my whole life been compared to. It's a running joke in the family I am the poundland version of her ( I don't care about this joke as to be honest she is the smarter better looking version )
Anyway we have always been close but there this side of her I just find really difficult. So she has always heavily involved herself in my life, i have always tried to have separate friends as I just want friends without being the lesser version of her. Anyway she always and I mean always tries to I don't know how to put it take people in my life and make them prefer her. I know it sounds ridiculous but she does.
Examples
First boyfriend. She ended up texting him alllllll the time flirting whilst we were together, when I tried to in a jokey way to bring it up ( I can't have confrontation with her as she has a much stronger personality than me and alwayssss twists it to make me irrational) make me look stupid in front of everyone.
Second boyfriend. Would always stay at his flat and not tell me ( I wasn't there) and they both lied to me about it. Even tho everyone said she definitely shouldn't be doing this.
Third boyfriend again text all the time, would always belittle me in front of him. Make me look like an absolute psycho in front of him if I ever was upset by something.
Current boyfriend. Met at the gym then as soon as I started seeing him would always try and speak to him 24/7 and again make me look stupid.
Anyway now the problem I have is my current boyfriend has a close group of friends and their girlfriends and she's now made a group with all the girlfriends ( she doesn't know them, made a group on Facebook for mums in lockdown and added them all ) which is really nice I know and they have al become friends and text a lot to get ex got her through lock down. I didn't get added to the group and I can't help but just feel it's another part of my life now that people prefer her again and I just feel I can never have anything just to myself. I know it sounds stupid. So I just want to keep myself to myself and distance myself as it does upset me keep hearing about how close they are al becoming as it would of been nice if I could of become close with my partners friends girlfriends. Anyway so I want to distance myself but she always when I have tried this before Will text everyone saying I'm being horrible to her. She doesn't know what she's done la la la.
Can anyone help ? I know it sounds stupid

OP posts:
BlueJag · 13/01/2021 19:45

Sounds like she is a cow. Why would she need to text your boyfriends.
You may feel less but she certainly has no life unless is your life she has nothing.
I'll start putting some distance and ask your bf not to give her his number.
Honestly you've been very nice to her but run a mile the other way.

feistyoneyouare · 13/01/2021 19:50

OP it doesn't sound stupid. She's doing this on purpose, she sounds unpleasant and quite weird tbh. Adding people she doesn't know to a FB group is pretty weird, and leaving you out just proves she has an agenda imho. There's manipulation and gaslighting going on here too. I think you're right to put some distance between you and her.

Lollypop701 · 13/01/2021 20:05

Yep, she has issues. She apparently needs to prove (and keep proving) she’s better than you with every new person YOU meet. Id distance myself and never look back.

MerryDecembermas · 13/01/2021 20:09

How is she even getting these guys numbers? How does she know their name to find them on FB?

I can't work it out. Are you telling her their names? Just stop telling her anything. And if there's someone else who's passing her info, stop telling that person / those people too.

If that means cutting off your entire family, do it. You deserve to be free from this bullshit!

sunsandwaves · 14/01/2021 15:04

@MerryDecembermas

How is she even getting these guys numbers? How does she know their name to find them on FB?

I can't work it out. Are you telling her their names? Just stop telling her anything. And if there's someone else who's passing her info, stop telling that person / those people too.

If that means cutting off your entire family, do it. You deserve to be free from this bullshit!

With my boyfriends we all went to the same school, I was a couple years below her so she was never friends with any of them but would know of them. But then claim everytime I got with a boyfriend she had always been friends with them. New boyfriend she doesn't tend to do it with we he doesn't really have much to do with her. The friends she just knows who they are from pictures and Facebook and things. It's so draining, I just don't get it. I don't get why having to prove she is better like or whatever it is is so essential to her. I would never dream of doing it
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