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How can I not look like the bad guy?

3 replies

sophie269 · 13/01/2021 19:02

Help. What would you do.

So bare with me and I know this sounds ridiculous but it's really getting to me now. Could be hormonal from just having my first baby but either way I can't deal with it right now.
So I have a big big family all very close. One member of my family I have always my whole life been compared to. It's a running joke in the family I am the poundland version of her ( I don't care about this joke as to be honest she is the smarter better looking version )
Anyway we have always been close but there this side of her I just find really difficult. So she has always heavily involved herself in my life, i have always tried to have separate friends as I just want friends without being the lesser version of her. Anyway she always and I mean always tries to I don't know how to put it take people in my life and make them prefer her. I know it sounds ridiculous but she does.
Examples
First boyfriend. She ended up texting him alllllll the time flirting whilst we were together, when I tried to in a jokey way to bring it up ( I can't have confrontation with her as she has a much stronger personality than me and alwayssss twists it to make me irrational) make me look stupid in front of everyone.
Second boyfriend. Would always stay at his flat and not tell me ( I wasn't there) and they both lied to me about it. Even tho everyone said she definitely shouldn't be doing this.
Third boyfriend again text all the time, would always belittle me in front of him. Make me look like an absolute psycho in front of him if I ever was upset by something.
Current boyfriend. Met at the gym then as soon as I started seeing him would always try and speak to him 24/7 and again make me look stupid.
Anyway now the problem I have is my current boyfriend has a close group of friends and their girlfriends and she's now made a group with all the girlfriends ( she doesn't know them, made a group on Facebook for mums in lockdown and added them all ) which is really nice I know and they have al become friends and text a lot to get ex got her through lock down. I didn't get added to the group and I can't help but just feel it's another part of my life now that people prefer her again and I just feel I can never have anything just to myself. I know it sounds stupid. So I just want to keep myself to myself and distance myself as it does upset me keep hearing about how close they are al becoming as it would of been nice if I could of become close with my partners friends girlfriends. Anyway so I want to distance myself but she always when I have tried this before Will text everyone saying I'm being horrible to her. She doesn't know what she's done la la la.
Can anyone help ? I know it sounds stupid

OP posts:
DiscoJanet · 13/01/2021 19:32

She sounds ultra competitive and jealous of your relationship, horrible. If I was you I wouldn't introduce her to any future boyfriend or friends. Your whole family sound awful for their "running joke" at your expense. Cruel and toxic. If you can, I'd escape from them all and build yourself a life away as much as you can. And I have to say if your previous boyfriends can't see this for what it is, snd are hoodwinked by her "charm" you're better off without them.

Have you talked to your current boyfriend about this? If he's decent he'll listen to you, understand, support you, and keep his distance from her.

Theodoreb · 13/01/2021 21:37

Omg that's terrible I can't imagine how you've coped I agree with previous poster distance yourself, Zane sounds horrid and tbh I don't care if she's prettier than you with a personality like that I'd say you are the diamond version of her.

Palavah · 13/01/2021 21:40

She sounds utterly dreadful. Don't ever let anyone tell you she's better than you because it's bolllocks.

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