Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

So long and thanks for all the fish

18 replies

fabarooney · 26/10/2004 12:16

I've been thinking very hard about the original thread I started yesterday evening and the ensuing furore that resulted when another mumsnetter began the "pull your socks up and count yourself lucky" thread thereafter.

I've suffered from periods of depression, some mild, some severe, since my early teens. I have no idea why. I like to think of myself - my normal self - as pretty cheerful and energised. The transformation in my personality during periods of deep depression is one of the most difficult things to come to terms with.

My most serious episode of depression to date started after the birth of my second child. I've been on anti-depressant medication ever since and believe that I would not be here without them. I had been feeling really good recently and thought that the time had come to try life without the drugs. It has not gone well and I am pretty bad at the moment. I have had to go back onto the medication and may have to accept that my brain is permanently impaired and that I will suffer from mental illness for many more years. This is a very frightening time for me - the thoughts I've been having recently about whether there is any point to my life and if my dh and children would be better off without me seem to make so much sense at times.

When I started my thread last night, I just wanted to get some of the stuff that's a bit easier to talk about off my chest. I am well aware that for the average, well person, they seem trivial and that is why I posted on the Feeling Low board. Posters there who suffer from clinical depression would (and do) understand where I am coming from and I needed their support last night. I didn't really want to jump straight into the "Hi, I'm entertaining suicidal thoughts at the moment" straight off though.

RegularPoster's thread made me feel like crap - like I didn't deserve sympathy and understanding. That's all I was asking for, and I'd like to thank the mumsnetters that gave their support. I really needed it and I will take up your suggestions.

I've decided to leave mumsnet. This is not a flounce or a touch of the amateur dramatics. I believed that I had found a supportive forum for my difficulties, and for the most part I had. I don't think that I'll ever be able to post on anyone's feeling low thread without worrying that someone is going to tell me that my problems do not merit your support. I'm in a pretty bad place at the moment and don't think I can handle it.

I want to take the opportunity to thank people that were kind on both the threads, and to ask all mumsnetters to think a little more before dumping on someone else. Anonymity does not give anyone the right to be cruel.

Best wishes to you all from Fab.

OP posts:
gothicmama · 26/10/2004 12:19

Fab don't go and if you pop back adn let us know how you are . there is away back from how you are feeling if you need to feel free to cat me or msn at gothicmamasom at hotmail dot com the offer is there

smellymelly · 26/10/2004 12:21

Hi Fab - I don't really read the feeling low threads, as I have no good advice to give, I'm afraid. But it seems a shame that you would take 'Regularposters' thread so badly, enough so to leave Mumsnet.

I did read that thread, and was not suprised to see the responses that followed.

If you say you get good support from the MN's who do leave messages on your threads then I hope you would find that more important than someone who doesn't care about other peoples feelings.

MummyToSteven · 26/10/2004 12:21

Hi fabarooney - didn't see your original thread but got caught up in the thread last night. I can fully understand you seeing the thread of doom as being a slap in the face and quite disturbing, and why your instinctive reaction is to leave MN. All I can say is that unfortunately MN is not necessarily more supportive of mental health issues than RL - and it is a shame to feel chased away or dissuaded from posting by a few people that have little sympathy/understanding of mental health issues. if you don't feel up to posting on MN atm, then fair enough, but i do hope that you do come back soon when you feel better.

take care

Skate · 26/10/2004 12:23

Fab - I don't usually come on these and say 'don't leave' but I quite strongly feel that you could do with support and people to talk to and you honestly do have that here.

People who haven't suffered from depression have no idea what it's like and really we can't expect them to (admittedly they should therefore refrain from posting their 'pull your socks up' attitude).

Can you not try to accept that some people are mean and unsympathetic and just move past it, ignore it? I know it's difficult but I think you are walking away from a forum that really can help you and provide you with invaluable support and I don't want you to do that.

I don't want to think of you struggling alone when you could come on here and chat to people who understand.

xxx

smellymelly · 26/10/2004 12:24

Skate you said it much better than I did!!

WigWamBam · 26/10/2004 12:24

Please don't let RPs post make you feel like crap. I don't think she was digging at you. Believe me, this board really is a sympathetic place and can give you somewhere to get support and understanding. I really believe that the FL board is for any MNer who is feeling low for any reason - the most trivial or the most awful - and there are people here who will listen without prejudice and give you the support you need.

I took a brief break from MN when I became upset a couple of weeks ago, but a few days away helped with my perspective, and I now try to steer well clear of the more contentious threads. Last night's thread was misguided and in the wrong place, and I know it's caused a lot of upset (including to me) but I really don't think that RP meant any offence to anyone with CD, no matter how much it caused.

If you need to come away from MN to have a rethink, then do, but don't let one misguided thread put you off. Do be aware that most of the posters who were saying upsetting things last night aren't people who regularly use this board, and were stirring things up because they like a good argument. This board is not the place for that.

Good luck in whatever you decide, I hope you can find the support you need somewhere. And if that somewhere is MN, you will be made very welcome when you return.

joanneg · 26/10/2004 12:26

Fab - no no no no no! Dont let one thread put you off posting. Please reconsider. If you really feel that you have to stop posting by all means if you ever want a chat without feeling that you will be pounced on, please CAT me and we can have a moan (serious or not serious).

SuzySox · 26/10/2004 12:28

FWIW I don't think you should go.

Mostly the people that post on the feeling low thread are people with some understanding or people that want to offer support/just listen.

Maybe next time you should start your thread with "I'm entertaining suicidal thoughts"

I read all of 'that' thread this morning as I missed it last night and I have to say I decided to leave MN and have indeed done so under my 'old' name. I feel like the fraud here - I use the feeling low board and I really don't have any problems.

I sincerely hope that people like me who just wallow in self pity with no good reason other than they need to get it off their chest and have nobody else to turn to haven't been some trigger for genuine people like yourself to leave. I am so dearly sorry if this is the case.

helsi · 26/10/2004 12:29

PLeeeeeease dont go FAB. I am similar to you and what you have said about your illness is similar to what I suffer from so I can identify with you (a lot). I read some of the thread last night but left it because I can't be bothered reading such things, they are not the type of things I need to read and so I find my suport elsewhere and lets face it there is plenty of good support on here. Could you reconsider and take no notice of what you erad? You are valued and totally worthy of posting on here - more so than some people.

You are worth so much more than that

PuffTheMagicDragon · 26/10/2004 12:45

Fabarooney, sorry you feel so "got at".

RP's decision to start that thread on the Feeling Low board AND give it such an inflammatory heading wasn't the brightest thing that's been done on here.

If someone went on to the miscarriage/bereavement board and set up the following:

"Seeing all these Bereavement posts makes me feel like screaming THATS LIFE."

I'm fairly sure the thread title would be deleted because its so offensive.

Don't let 1 person's lack of judgement drive you away from a site that on the whole you find supportive.

ks · 26/10/2004 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Titania · 26/10/2004 12:50

your not the only one fabarooney......im terribly upset..........

yurtgirl · 26/10/2004 12:52

Message withdrawn

PuffTheMagicDragon · 26/10/2004 12:53

Titania - (((hugs))).

Thomcat · 26/10/2004 13:00

That's so sad you feel you have to leave becuase of one person's flippant comment. it was only one person, who then didn't come back. I really hope that you can let the negative comments from one person slide off you like water ona ducks back and focus on on the people who understand you and support you on here. You should stay, really you should, i hope you do.

PicadillyCircus · 26/10/2004 13:03

Fabarooney - I've seen a post from Regular Poster this morning and they said that they don't actually read the Feeling Low threads (!)This has made me feel a bit better as at least they don't read whatever I choose to post there.

I too was upset reading it - I hope you feel you can stay though as Mumsnet is a great place - butbjust as in real life, people don't always think before spleaking/posting.

Titania · 26/10/2004 13:13

I don't feel as though I want to post anymore either atm.........

PicadillyCircus · 26/10/2004 13:15

Titania - please keep posting.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page