Feeling a bit wretched

[Flambola]

And by wretched, I mean I’m not coping with life very well and have some suicidal ideation.

I had some health issues last year (a lovely reminder of my abusive childhood) and I’m ‘recovering’ from surgery (developed an infection, consultant has thrown a tonne of antibiotics at it) but the last straw was going into anaphylaxis on Saturday. Out of nowhere. I feel like my body is betraying me, like I can’t do anything right and there’s no point in continuing the fight. I’m so, so tired. What do I do? My husband tells me things will get better, but things are getting worse. I had a stillbirth on Christmas Day in 2014 and since then I feel like no matter how hard I try, there is always something round the corner that knocks me back and curtails any progress I’m making.

I have a wonderful daughter but I’m just starting to feel like she would be better off without me. And I know that’s not a good mindset to be in. I want someone to fix me because I don’t have the strength anymore to try and fix myself.

Hi op I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I could have written this myself recently as I was feeling so down and am chronically ill. have you seen your gp? I have been taking anti depressants and honestly I feel like a different person. Sending a gentle hug x

Hi, I'm sorry you are feeling this way op. It sounds like you have had so much trauma, have you had any counselling? I agree with pp that it would be good to call your GP and talk through the options. Perhaps an antidepressant and counselling? It is possible to feel better, I hope you can believe that and I hope you can get the right support. Take care

Please please get professional help op. If you hold on, on you will come out of this.
Your lovely daughter needs her mum x

Thanks for responding everyone. I’m already on the max dose of Vensir, perhaps I need to try something else. I don’t feel like I can be bothered speaking to my GP though, honestly I feel such a liability.

Hi @Flambola sorry you're feeling so low, you sound very depressed, not surprising given what you've been through.
If suggest talking to your GP as a matter of urgency. They're still here for us despite the pandemic. Hopefully they'll be understanding and look at different medication for you to help get you through this dark time. We all go through hard times, and the support is there for that reason. If also second the suggestion of counselling to help you deal with last traumas. You deserve to feel better.
Good luck with it all, and well done for posting, it takes courage