Can a child rape a child ?

[tooldforthis]

Not sure how to start this ....... it's a difficult one for me and secret I've held for nearly 30 years

A member of my family the opposite sex of three years older than me use to try and have sex with me as a child aged from about 8 up to about 11 (I can't remember exactly as I've blocked it out)
Ive only ever tried to tell someone once and it didn't go how I expected so won't tell anyone again
Also would completely brake my family apart
And the guilt would kill me

He did penetrate me once I remember it like it was yesterday- although I have it locked in a box (the memory) I keeps hunting me

I also have bpd
I think from this and another reason
Can I get mentally healthy if I keep it locked in a box?
Do I have to address it?
I don't hate this person he is a relation to me in fact I care for this person and don't wish any harm

Is this as sinister as I'm thinking or just kids
I don't know 🤷‍♀️
My heads in a pickle and my mental health is suffering but if I said anything everyone else would suffer and that's not fair

I've don't councilling etc cbt all that in the past

Any advice
Please don't judge me tho it's taken a lot to ask for advice here x

I wouldn't be surprised if your family member was sexually abused as a child himself.

Definitely try and find someone else to talk through your trauma with. It could be repeated counselling.

A child certainly can rape another child and I'm sorry you experienced that I don't know if it helps or not but usually the child is re-enactment of what has been done to them on another child. Peadophilles create waves in the abuse they start and it ripples with more and more people becoming infected but less severe with every ripple.

I would say you definitely need to talk about this in therapy in order to address your mental health problems. You've been so brave sharing it here, keep hold of that strength.

I also immediately thought that he was being abused by an adult, as PP's have mentioned.

That doesn't excuse what happened to you at all, but it is probably the reason why he did it.

I don't think you necessarily need to speak to anyone in your family about it, but I would definitely advise speaking to a professional about it.

Omg I didn't think of this!
Would actually explain a lot, I could cry at the mess
I don't think I'm braving enough to speak out about this - one word and it could blow my family apart in seconds and I don't want to do that to the elder members of my family
We are so close
And I'd get bloody blamed too

I don’t have an answer really, but I do empathise with your struggle around this question

Similar thing happened with me with a playmate but only a couple of times and I thin he was also possibly abused by an adult

Sorry this happened to you.

With Covid-19 I doubt I'd get any kind of counselling like I have done previously
I can always try

Thanks for relying x

Have you talked about it in counselling - I got so I had anxiety and stress which was relieved when I finally spoke to a counsellor.

Apparently people often first admit to having been abused in their 50s and 60s. It's a lifelong secret but needs to come out to another person eventually.

First of all, no judgment here.

Secondly, what happened to you was not your fault. At all. In any way.

Well done for speaking out here. I really think you'd benefit from some more counselling to help you unpick this. You can keep it locked away, but it's clearly had a huge effect on your mental health and difficult though it will be, I think more therapy would be a good idea.

Remember, this is about you, not anyone else in your family. It's time to put yourself first.

Thank you all

I feel like a fraud- this is what comes to my mind like I didn't get raped on a night out by a grown up and this person was roughly 11-14 years old in this period of time (did they know what they were doing?) or did they ?he Has been accused of rape by someone else in his adult life. It was "thrown out" due to lack of evidence.

I do feel responsible for other people in my family and how me not staying quiet will effect them and his children

I wish this feeling flash backs would go away and leave me alone To get on with my life

I'm 36 so not even in my 50's 60's

I read somewhere that if I didn't deal with it I wouldn't ever get mentally stable and it would always affect me - do u think this is true

And how could I deal with it and not tell my family ?

Thank you x

Definitely reach out for counselling. It is available during Covid and you need to get on the ladder now. You don’t have to tell your family, you can deal with your feelings about that as it comes.
Yes it was rape. I am so sorry this happened to you. I think it will always be with you if you don’t get some support. Get in touch with rape crisis and they will point you in the right direction.

rapecrisis.org.uk/

Look after yourself, what you have done posting here is the first step. You have been incredibly brave. It’s a long journey so go easy on yourself and take it all one step at a time. Xx

I also think processing what happened to you snd dealing with your feelings is important. He sounds like a really screwed up individual and has been pointed out, at 11 it is highly likely he was being abused. No good for you can come of trying to pretend to yourself nothing happened.

I don’t think attempting to rape another chid as a child makes that person a child molester. I take it the person accusing him was an adult, is that correct? Only you can decide whether or not to confront him. Perhaps you will find clarity through therapy.

Try not to burden yourself with what if you decide to tell the older generation. If they blame you, this will be because it is easier than blaming themselves for not seeing what was happening to you and potentially to your cousin.

Thank you
He was a adult when another adult accused him of rape

Also he isn't my cousin

Thank you everyone
I guess I have to think some more what is best to do x

yes.a child can.you dont have it locked in a box love.its ok.its not your secret. if it was boxed,lid on -it would stay there.you have been very brave,very strong,and your so kind to recognise pain potentially cause to others. you dont have to perss charges or even expose this to anyone.what you could do\should do is allow yourself to close the lid,without fear it sneaks out..www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/abuse/sexual-abuse/

Please contact napac.org.uk/about/

They'll help you.

What happened to you was not your fault and you have no obligation to continue to carry the burden of living with it. The organisations listed here will help you put down the burden bit by bit at your own pace in your own way.

Speaking about it to a therapist won't pull you family apart as it's confidential but it will help you.

And agree that child can rape another child and it's usually related to them themselves suffering abuse.

Thanks

@tooldforthis

With Covid-19 I doubt I'd get any kind of counselling like I have done previously I can always try

Thanks for relying x

My friend is currently receiving counselling so I think in some areas it is still going ahead.

Thank you everyone

It's actually more common that people think for this to happen with male relatives, especially siblings (for the pedantic among us I'm not saying it is common, but that it happens more than people would probably think). The offshoot of that is that it becomes taboo to speak about, and unfortunately a lot of people refuse to believe it when someone is brave enough to speak about it. If you're in England you should be able to self refer to talking therapies, which is being done over the phone at the moment, although most areas have a wait list, it's definitely worth doing. Sorry for what you went through OP, I believe you.

It was sexual assault and/or rape every time. He was over the age of criminal responsibility, although if it was before 1998 then there was extra protection for children aged 10-14.

Regardless, this wasn't your fault and it was wrong, every time. I'm sorry you've had such a negative reception to bring brave enough to tell someone. I think you do need to tell someone else, even if you think you don't want to do anything about it. You need to hear that it was wrong from someone real.

Thank u
Everyone's reply's r so kind
Much appreciated