I need some support, feeling overwhelmed

[Suzie11fr]

I really hope someone can help me please. It might not sound like much but I’m struggling with my mental health. I will ask mumsnet to move this to MH forum but just for now I need to hear from as many people as I can. I really hope I get some responses.

I’m feeling severely anxious and overwhelmed. Medication and councelling are not going to work for me as I have tried for many years. All I need is some kind words and maybe even tough words (hence posting on AIBU first!) My mum was good as getting me out of this mindset but I can’t talk to her as she has her own stuff going on.

There’s been a few incidences at work at the moment. I’m a key worker so I’m still working. It’s not too bad in honesty I’m just getting on with it. The person in charge of looking after building (on site manager) has always been a bit nasty and always in a foul mood but recently I’m finding him intimidating, aggressive and I’m very upset after our exchanges. By upset I literally mean I’m thinking about the exchanges days later and I’m not sleeping like tonight. I’m the type to be smiling and being polite whilst he’s having a go at me then I burst into tears when no one is looking and take it home with me and get into a depression. He’s making me feel scared about going into work next week. There is no point talking to management as I’m new and they all love him. I texted a couple of colleagues I thought I was friendly with about his exchanges with me and both of them have ignored my texts. It’s very obvious no one wants to discuss him.

so I need to change my mindset and learn how to deal with him myself without anyone else’s support or input.

Any tips or advice please? As I’m typing this I’m realising he’s actually being a bully. Everyone is stressed so I don’t want to bombard my line management with my conflict with him as they may think it’s inappropriate considering we’re in a pandemic and I’m upset over how the site manger talks to me!

I have to converse with him for next 2 weeks at least as I haven’t been given a key yet so he is in charge of opening my work areas.

I have young kids abs I can’t carry on being such a shit mother as I keep thinking of this nasty man. I’m in my 40’s I wish I could toughen up a bit.

Didn’t want to read and run. I don’t know how you can deal with a workplace bully if you don’t feel like you can speak to anyone there about it. I guess all you can do is to try and leave it at work. Don’t let him ruin your free time and home time by dwelling on it when you’re not there. Maybe give yourself ‘permission’ to think about how awful he is for 10 minutes and then say to him in your mind “off you fuck now, I’m not at work at the moment so you’re irrelevant to me right now”. At least give yourself some respite from it.

And if you think you’ll be able to get away from him in 2 weeks, make a calendar and tick off the days until that happens!

Sorry if that’s not awfully helpful, but just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. Hope you’re able to get some sleep at some point

@MarkRuffaloCrumble thank you so much for your advice x

log everything he says and does and make a complaint when it gets too much.

Without any context its hard to say.

What are you "exchanges" about?

I mean it would be understandable for the building manager to be frustrated and angry if you were routinely using the wrong entrances etc for covid compliance.

It would be totaly unreasonable on the other hand if he was stopping you and hassling you about say what Your wearing

Thank you @bluebell34567

@Sinful8 it’s things like 1) management have me to to come in on a certain day to help out (my usual day off) he then aggressively asks me why I’m in work that day. My name is on rota and in emails he’s cc’d into but I think he likes to see me squirm and get panicky.

2. on my usual days of work he starts huffing and puffing that he has to open my work area door for me. I offered many times I can go out and get the key cut but he ignores me. He knows I’m in and could easily open it as it’s a 2 way door with a key lock abs card lock that only myself and manager have access. No one else’s card would work.

and not abs*

Loads more examples but then others will know it’s me. As I have discussed with 2 colleagues and friends

I generally find the best thing to do is put on a smile and be polite to people like that. Workplace bullies often thrive on conflict and love people complaining about them because it gives them a sense of power. You've already seen him for what he is - a bully.

I'm a key worker in a medical setting, everyone seems quite'on the edge' at the moment, I think it's because things change daily and it's peoples anxiety... however, there is no need to be a arse. I have a senior member of staff that is so rude, how I have tolerated her behaviour with myself and others I will never know but I over the past few weeks I challenge her now and you can see she don't know where to go with it because she's just a bully. My advice would to be (the open door incident) if something like that happens again just say tongue in cheek 'oh Jon I'm sorry you've had to open the door for me you must feel like a caretaker' then smile. Hel probably loose his shit but say to him what do you actually want me to do to make it better for you because you are obviously struggling with this. Turn it back round. Good luck and remember this is not you he is just a wanker

I've been there many many times OP and know how you feel. A bully at work is the worst and i have lost my mental health over it. It's awful to have that nervous feeling over someones behaviour towards you and especailly when you loose precious sleep over it.

All i can say here is don't take any of this personally and hold your head up high, smile and if he is cheeky, be cheeky back if you can.

I was terrified of my old boss, she used to make me cry ALL THE TIME. Weirdly, we are friends now and she only recently has had the realisation that she may have lacked some empathy in the past (while i quietly scream inside).

You are not responsible for this persons feelings or reactions, you've done nothing wrong and you can't control how he is with you so let slide. Easier said than done i realise. x