I’m losing my mind

[Hushmush]

I feel like I’m losing my mind and control of my life. I cannot cope anymore but I cannot stop because far too many people need me but I’m exhausted. My anxiety is intolerable- if I say something slightly edgy or with a light opinion attached, I worry that I’ve upset someone, if someone gives me any criticism I cannot bear it and it sends my whole day into a downward spiral that I cannot stop. I cry, I get massive headaches and I feel like I haven’t slept for a week- I get myself into so much of a state that I could literally drive away and not come back. I didn’t used to be like this and it’s absolutely unbearable to live with. I try to offload because my heart is always on my sleeve but no one can say anything to make me feel better. I’m sorry, I don’t even know where I’m going with this. I’ve just had enough.

I’m a professional who is working doubly as hard during the pandemic and so this is making things ten times worse for me because I’m constantly worried that I’m going to get into trouble for not working hard enough or missing something. My kids have none of my time because my job takes me into the night time. My partner isnt as helpful as I’d like. I just feel it’s all too much and I can’t cope.

Sounds like total system overload OP.

Can you see your GP as a first step?

I’m really sorry you’re having such a difficult time.

Is it possible peri-menopause could be at play? The anxiety, insomnia and headaches are all very common symptoms. I'm sorry you're having such a horrible time.

Sounds awful and like proper burn out. Can you highlight to your line manager the difficulties the extra workload is having on you and maybe consider occ health?

Thank you for your responses. I get the headaches etc when I get myself into a state about something that other people would probably get over in 5 minutes. It’s vile. My partner says I need to calm down but I can’t- I genuinely have no mechanism for it. I will probably have to go to the doctors for which he or she will put me on pills to mask it over. I just want to run away.

Call your GP. Get signed off, it sounds like stress. My GP asked what I wanted on the certificate as they ade aware of the stigma that can come from stress being the reason. Stress can manifest physically in the ways you describe, I was very very unwell physically as well as mentally. Anything that is not priority needs to go. Look after yourself and your kids. Tell your OH how you feel and what you need. Take care of yourself.

I’m sure my boss thinks I’m bonkers as he’s commented to a colleague before that he thinks I’m paranoid and that he’s scared to tell me anything because I’m so sensitive. I could go to him and explain but I don’t even know how I’d put it all into words without him wanting to jump out of his window in fear of me being an emotional wreck! Honestly, if I’d have met me a few years ago I’d think I was crackers.

Agree with pp, call in sick and get better. You need a break.
People need you and you can't be there for them if you don't take care of yourself.
Take a week, then get signed off for a couple more if you can.
Then ask for an occupational health referral at work and tackle the things in your job that are causing you stress.
I hope you feel better soon

PS the pills can be helpful in allowing you the calmness to tackle what is causing you to be so stressed. Something has to give.

Hey OP
I completely hear you & it sounds like you need to rest & recharge sooner rather than later.
I'm in a similar place myself. Very sensitive, highly anxious & very much affected by the Covid changes. In the day, I've been taking more breaks, trying to eat well & be more boundaried with my working extra hours thing.
Be kind to yourself 💚

It sounds like you definitely need to talk to your GP, and if they think medication would be a good idea then seriously consider it. You sound completely overwhelmed. I know what you mean about worrying meds would just mask the problem but I agree with the pp who said they might get you to a calmer place, so you can concentrate on getting well.

To use a possibly rubbish analogy - if your car ran out of fuel on the motorway you would accept a tow to get you to a petrol station, wouldn't you? Maybe you need some help from your GP to get to a place you can sort your head out.

Take care.

Sounds like burn out, it affects your ability to make decisions & increases your emotions & makes you lose perspective. You need a rest & therapy & calming meditation, walks, yoga/exercise, time outside. It can be treated.

Hi I know what you mean about running away. I did that and did something silly and ended up in hospital. I didn’t want to be here anymore. That was a couple months ago. I still struggle but those thoughts are going. It is all work related and embarrassed about being off. I’ve never been off work before and I’ve stopped eating and looking after myself. I am starting therapy this week so hoping that helps. I was such a happy person I’m so angry that this has happened. I’m trying to fight it. It’s hard but do able xx