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DC's estranged father has died after MH struggle

2 replies

Grievingatdistance · 04/01/2021 18:40

Hi everyone,
Name changed for this but I've posted before. My 4 year old's father has had a long struggle with his mental health. I had been with him since 2010.

He had several episodes of suspected psychosis in summer 2019 and we split up in the September (partly because he had delusional beliefs about me being part of a conspiracy against him.) I tried to maintain contact between him and our DC but ultimately had to stop it for our safety and well-being (on advice of pretty much everyone.) There was court and cafcass involvement and we were due to have a hearing next week following a psychiatric report having been ordered. The nature of his illness meant he didn't think he was ill and refused assessment and treatment. He never seemed to meet the threshold for being sectioned and receiving the help he badly needed.

I found out last week that he has died (most likely through his own actions) though not yet been formally identified. There will be an inquest. I haven't yet told DC, who hasn't had contact with their dad for a year. Luckily my counsellor is a specialist in childhood bereavement and my HV is amazing.

I could really do with a handhold from people who've been through this. Our relationship was not a healthy one and I've spent the last year healing a lot through Freedom Programme and therapy etc. Today has been difficult as the family liaison officer hasn't contacted me as promised and when I tried to track them down I had a spectacularly unhelpful and insensitive call-handler. I'm struggling with the fact there hasn't been formal identification yet. I'm feeling nauseous, can't sleep and am finding it difficult to be present and patient with DC (who is not at school) Has anyone been here and can offer words of wisdom or support?

OP posts:
acornsandoaktrees · 05/01/2021 16:43

Hi OP, I am so sorry. I'm not who you are looking for (I haven't been through this) but I still wanted to send my sympathies. I know it is complicated grieving for someone when the relationship was difficult and this sounds like a really hard time for you. I am glad you have good support from the counsellor and HV and I hope you get the answers that you need soon. For what it's worth, many of us finding is hard to be present and patient with DC not at school right now and that is without dealing with what you are going through. I hope you can be kind to yourself, take some breaks where you can and have good support around you both.

Grievingatdistance · 07/01/2021 21:40

Thank you for your kind words acorn.

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