Morbid thinking

[SaltyLemons]

I just wondered if anybody else was suffering from a fixation on mortality. I know it makes sense given the current circumstances. But, gosh, I'm just so overwhelmed by the idea that one day my loved ones will be dead, that all of us will be. It's such an obvious fact of life that we just got on with before and lost sight of a bit in the busyness of life. Obviously there's nothing that can be said or done to fix this but I'm struggling with such sad thoughts, especially when I look at my children. Everything seems precarious and scary. And this sad feeling comes out of a deep love for these things and people. How can I snap out of this or think differently about it? So grateful for any tips or understanding

I go through this regularly the concept of not existing and oblivion makes me utterly despair, my stomach drops through the floor and I feel very scared and overwhelmed

I wonder if religion would be a comfort and can understand why people believe in the concept of heaven etc

I am about to hit a big birthday and I’ve teen thinking of it a lot more recently but I try to push the thoughts away. I don’t have mental health issues but have regularly fallen down this hole which I think will worsen with age, I know where it comes from for me and that’s because even from a child I was aware that my dad was terrified of death he still is and u it is rubbed off on me for sure

I'd do anything to have faith, but I don't. How do you reconcile yourself to the concept of not existing? Of your family not existing? Age-old human problem I suppose, but knowing that doesn't make it easier. At the moment it feels so acute because danger is so near: not just Covid but other health issues etc that come with getting older (like you, I'm also at a milestone birthday). It just feels so overwhelming

I have anxiety which I take citalopram for. One of my main symptoms is worrying about losing loved ones and my won mortality. It's hard to even write or engage with the thread tbh! But wanted to share.

I know I'm not managing it that weel when I wke up in the night with panic about it or just get random panic about it in the day.

Covid plus th recent shock death of my much loved cat have not helped at all.

I have already lost many, many relatives, I'm 47, I'm an only child, and the youngest cousin on both sides. Most of my cousins are considerably older than me, 15+ years at least. I have my husband and my children, but no friends to speak of, and I think about death a lot and how someday, if I love to a ripe old age, everyone I know aside from my children will be gone.

It doesn't make me sad, though. I have always looked at life and death from the angle that I was lucky to have the people in my life while I did, and I'm not going to ruin all the positive memories by worrying about something I have zero control over.

Thank you for sharing @Plussizejumpsuit - I totally understand it's hard to engage with threads like this!

@Aquamarine1029 I'm so sorry you've lost so many. I really appreciate your attitude towards it though, I'd like to get to this way of thinking

Yes I have this! Just thought it was down to becoming a mother (2 small kids) and everything going on

It's so much worse at night

My own death doesn't bother me so much, it would be a relief not to exist anymore, but I do feel sad and hopeless in the knowledge all the people I've loved and cared for in my life will be wiped out of existence (or that the only remaining traces of them in the world will disappear when I die).

I dunno, my life has been kind of tough and the people I've lost suffered greatly, I don't find comfort in the live for the moment stuff. It just seems more cruel that people experience so much suffering for absolutely no purpose and then are erased and forgotten.

It helps to know it's not just me! It's definitely got worse since I had children, but also with age

 @Lemonpiano

But it does help to know I'm not alone.. Still skipping the pp's to reply though!

Will read at some point...

Yes. Me too.

My parents are in their 70s and PIL in their 80s; DDog is 12.

I worry about them and it's the reason I was so upset not to have Christmas together. I always worry that it will be the last 🥲.

Yes I do

I don't know if it's an anxiety thing or something I've got from my family. My DM lost a sibling at a very young age and lost her parents relatively young and she has always been scared of bad news. I think my sibling and I absorbed this to some degree.

I sometimes find myself imagining awful things and it is usually related to those closest to me.

We lost a baby a couple of years ago and they dialled up the anxiety aspect and I would worry how easily people could just slip away from us. It seems so overwhelming and worrying sometimes that we will all die.

It's not something I really talk about so it's helpful to find a thread like this.

@AliceinBunniland I do that too: imagine awful things happening, play them out in my head and suffer. I guess what this thread is teaching us is that at least it's normal, shared. God, it's hard

I try to focus on the fact that before I was born I didn't exist and that was fine. Death will be like that. I won't mind.

I do this. Lay awake obsessing about my family dying, they are all either very elderly or already dead. I say “they’re all” there are only three people left. My lab is old too.
I confided in a friend who said she had these feelings too, but they concerned her DH and DD dying. She saw her G.P who prescribed anti depressants. I’m not sure how normal it actually is to feel this way. I’m glad I’m not the only one, but sleepless nights can’t be good.

I have this quite badly and it started when I had children and now I'm 37 I feel like I'm half way through my life and it makes me Panic. I worry I'm going to die soon and leave my kids. I can't cope with the thought that one day all my family and friends will die. Like someone else said its hard to even read this thread. I take citalopram for anxiety and it really helps but not for this feeling.

@shivbo2014 I know, it was hard to start it. Sending love to everyone on here

I have this, it’s worse recently because of the very real risk of Covid. My parents are in their 70s and I had a big birthday too which means it’s quite present in my mind. I’ve had this fear for years though, I have OCD which is mainly based around harm coming to those I love. But worse now. It’s strangely comforting to know I’m not alone.

I spend so much time thinking and worrying about death that I forget to live.

I may be jaded.l but having lost both my parents it feels like the worst has already happened so it’s like a vaccination against such thoughts. Of course I still worry about my kids as anyone does but I really feel if you are obsessively worrying about it you need to very purposefully and deliberately stop yourself. Did you know your brain with create more neural networks around what you think about a lot so your brain is right now literally making more neural patterns about death.

A tip: allow yourself 15 mins in the morning and 15 mins in the evening to really consider your mortality. Really go for it- think long and hard about dying, your gravestone and what your funeral will be like - don’t hold back! but only during those times. The rest of the day you absolutely cannot and are not allowed to think about it. I guarantee you that when you try to do this the thoughts will weirdly disappear but you have to stick with these rules. The reason is that by allowing yourself time to think about it, the thoughts become less forbidden and therefore less interesting or compelling.