Unsure what to do next

[Lepetitpiggy]

Our 15 year old dd is suffering really badly with anxiety at the moment - proper off the scale panic attacks, dissociation and clinging to me almost 24 hours a day. The GP has spoken to her and referred her to the Child Psychiatric unit, but for now, we are at a loss.
I actually work with people who have substance misuse and mental health problems and find that a lot less challenging that trying to deal with poor dd. Obviously because she's mine!
We go on walks every day which I do enjoy but I would really like her to go with dh, which she doesn't really want to do, so I end up going with her again - it does work for a while but then she's back 'may I be with you please?'
I feel like a terrible mother for just wanting her to go away or stop being like this which of course I know she cant. Not returning to school as yet has sent her spiralling too - she loves the structure and is a very high achiever and she's been panicking about failing everything (year 10)
Has anyone got any thoughts on how else to distract/help her (and me!) Grounding, breathing etc dont seem to have any impact!

I had a breakdown aged 15 while doing my GCSES.
I think that getting a psychiatric team involved is definitely the right thing.
I wish my parents had done that for me at the time.
I have epilepsy anyway but I started having pseudo seizures caused by anxiety & was over medicated, put in an adult ward & then stopped eating too.

I remember that I had put myself under too much pressure doing ten GCSEs so the head of year arranged for me to cut down to the basic 3 or 4 needed to get into sixth form.
Maybe a similar idea could help your daughter??

Also I had issues with friends & boys that I felt I couldn't discuss with my mum.
Perhaps your daughter has more going on than just schoolwork?

I wouldn't worry about her being clingy, maybe use the time to really talk to her to get to the bottom of things because there will be reasons, however minor, for her problems.

Personally for me once I'd reduced the GCSEs workload, binned my toxic ex friends for nicer ones & dealt with the boy issues then I started eating again & the pseudo seizures just stopped.

Unfortunately I've developed MH problems as an adult, but hopefully your DD will make a good recovery from her anxiety problems with the treatment she will have.

Thank you so much. I'm o sorry to hear your experiences- it's sadly pretty common isn't it?
I'm glad the psychiatric team will be involved. Hopefully we will get through this

Was there a trigger for this?

I would think about ways to build up her sense of safety - in whatever way she can find safety. So if that's building a mental safe place, having a safe spot in the house, safe objects, wrapping herself in a blanket, talking to herself, not reading rolling pandemic news...

Just anything that makes her feel more safe and in control, even if only incrementally.

What grounding strategies does she have to reconnect to where she is when she dissociates? Because that would be my next focus after building up the safeness.

Oh, and if structure is helpful maybe she could have a written list or plan of safe things to do when feeling anxious or dissociating?

Maybe connected to a scale so she can react earlier when her anxiety escalates (and communicate what's happening)? Or just keep a diary.

I've seen a traffic light system used for anxiety /panic and dissociation, where green is calm, amber is panic, and red is dissociation. Sometimes being able to label which of those states you're experiencing can help you manage it and deploy useful strategies (e.g. Safeness for panic, grounding for dissociation). Or some people just use a numbered scale and define what their numbers mean.

Might also help with identifying triggers for panic attacks or dissociation.

There was no specific trigger. She's always been a worrier and we had some much milder issues from about year 5 but this is the worst. I do think the situation we are all in has something to do with it but she denies it is a big factor.
We use the 'something to touch, something to see, hear smell' technique but it doesn't always work and she has a mental tick lost for how to slow things down - again which don't always help. The safe physical/mental spaces sound really good. It's just so hard watching her go through this and feeling helpless.
Thank you

Sorry, meant to add that I will definitely suggest and try the numbers idea