feeling loneliness and a lot of regret

[cosmikdebris]

i have a gorgeous 6 month old daughter and a very loyal and kind partner. I know im lucky to have what i have, and he likes to remind me of that regularly, but im feeling like ive made the complete wrong decision with my life at the moment.
I'm 20, everyone I went to school with post regularly online about how many friends they are, how well uni is going and generally going on about their great, free and independant life.

I feel like my life is going nowhere. my family are absolutely useless and offer no support at all, they harrass my partner online and have made multiple false allegations towards ss about how i treat my daughter. they're upset because i started a family with someone i dont like, and have gone beyond and above to make my life hell and we are considering a restraining order due to them turning up at our address and refusing to leave. so i cant turn to them for support.
we're seriously struggling for money, and my partner has full control over our finances so i cant even try to save or budget.

i have no friends, any i did have before baby have stopped speaking to me completely, and ignore my messages when I try to speak to them.
My partner is learning to hate me. he hates that im naturally quiet and always criticises me for not speaking enough, being boring and being down all the time. hes always mad at me for things in our relationship he cant get over, whereas ive forgiven him for so much more.

im hoping to go back to college next september to study art and eventually train to become a tattoo artist, but for now i feel absolutely uselss. im not a great mum, i always get frustrated and am really struggling with weaning at the moment. i also never have time for cleaning and keeping my home tidy. its very small so mess builds up quick, and my partner does absolutely nothing to help no matter how nicely i ask. its getting seriously dirty but i just dont have time and my partner could care less.

im so overwhelmed and lonely, i just want someone to help and have genuine concern over me, as selfish as that sounds. i literally dream about getting a phone call from friends sometimes.
i guess im asking for advice or coping mechanisms. im so lost and have 0 time for myself.

You're only 20 and a new mummy. It's so easy to compare to other people but it's easy for people to project the best - you won't see their doubts and struggles. You've made a life and it sounds like you could use some support. Plus you have dreams and goals and you will grow into them. Other inspirational young mums...Lucy Lawless, JK Rowling and Reese Witherspoon. It's not the end :)

Hi, I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way and that you have had so little support. I know things are a bit all over the place at the moment but I wonder if the HV or GP could put you in touch with other young mums? It was the friends I made when my kids were little and in the same boat as me that really made a difference. Also, do you think relationship counselling (with or without your partner) might help?
Good luck for next September and I'm glad you've got that goal to look forward to. Little steps with your home if it is stressing you out but remember your health is more important than the housework so I guess it's about trying to find the balance. It sounds like a lot of people in your life have disappointed you but I hope for you that this year you find people you can connect with and real support. I know meeting new people is hard and can be scary but I think if you could find a group of other young mums it could really help. Take care

Your DP sounds like a problem, constantly criticising you, controlling the finances and telling you you should be happy (grateful?). I can't tell whether your family are a second problem, or whether they have correctly identified that you have fallen into a risky situation, and are trying to help you get clear of it. And why have your friends dropped contact?

Don't worry about the house being a mess etc. Is there ANYONE you trust to discuss how you are feeling, and get some honest feedback? New friends are great, and it would be good to make some, but they don't know the real history of your situation and whether there are red flags everywhere.