I've been with my husband for five years and we have a 1 year old daughter. I've been wondering for a while if he might be depressed...I have suffered mild bouts of depression and less mild anxiety but I know the symptoms can be slightly different in men.
He's always been maybe a little more serious and risk-averse than the average person..not liking to be out of his comfort zone too much but generally happy if given a gentle nudge (e.g. holidays he gets uptight about the idea of them but always loves it once there). I'd say the last couple of years he's just been getting progressively more grumpy though. At the moment he's so negative all the time I'm finding it exhausting and unpleasant being around him. I have suggested to him that he may be depressed but he says its just tiredness because of having a young baby..but I'm pretty sure this shift in attitude towards life had started before then. A few examples:
- We are very fortunate to both have high earning jobs, a lovely house and my family live round the corner and my mum is very hands on with child care giving us a lot more of a break than your average person. My husband had quite a rough childhood with very little money, I was a little better off but definitely not 'well off' and this makes me appreciate our life so much now, I feel so grateful for what we have. My husband just seems dissatisfied and finds fault with everything...complains about things he doesn't like with the house, how he never gets a break from looking after the baby even though he gets tonnes more time to himself than I do / most people with young babies.
-He complains about being tired all the time...his daily monologue is 'I'm so tired'. Whenever the baby has a bad night I take her then he spends the next day complaining how tired he is even though he sleeps in another room if I bring her in. He also only works 3 days a week because work is quiet at the moment
-His performance / productivity at work is suffering. He says he can't get motivated or concentrate
-He doesn't want to see / speak to any of his friends. I know we can't because of Covid but I suggest meeting up with them for a walk in the park and he's never interested.
-I feel he's very negative towards me and nitpicks at everything..if I have any ideas he immediately shoots them down and finds a reason why its a bad idea. I suggest driving out to the countryside for a walk - too cold, too tired, won't get to have a break because DD will nap during the walk rather than at home when he could be on Playstation etc. He can be quite aggressive and nasty during arguments (never violently) but a nasty side I haven't seen before.
--He complains about feeling heavy and aches and pains all the time
-He complains he doesn't get enough time to himself even though every night after our daughter is asleep he plays Playstation all night or sits in his office. We never spend evenings together anymore.
-We don't have sex at all...must have had it 5 times since I gave birth. He said he feels too tired all the time and doesn't feel happy about his weight
-He eats loads of chocolate and sweets and has gained quite a bit of weight. To be fair to him he doesn't drink at all or smoke etc so this is his vice but he's said he's not happy about his body. I've suggested him going on a diet (only when he's brought it up) he says maybe be nothing changes. I'm sure all the sugar affects his mood / makes him more tired!
God reading that back it sounds like I think he's awful! I still love him to bits and I would support him through this but he denies it's a problem and thinks it will resolve after he's less tired as our daughter gets older. I just feel quite down myself as every interaction we have is negative at the moment and obviously because of Covid I can't see my friends so we only have each other. Does this sound like depression?
I would like to try for another baby...my husband said he would too but I'm actually having doubts because of the state of the relationship and obviously we're not having sex either.