I want it to stop

[Legoteacups]

That’s it really, I want it all to stop. I don’t want to have to make hard decisions about my marriage I just want to be numb and then gone.
At what point do you know you’ve had enough? I’m fighting hard against it this morning. When I woke my heart was pounding and I feel I cannot breathe.

Handhold. I’m here.

I'm here too. Talk to us- what's going on? You're not alone xx

@Legoteacups - there’s always an end point to how Bad your feeling, once you can truly accept it you will feel better. I’ve been where you are now 💐

I suppose I can’t see the point in another however long feeling like this - I’ve fought it for years. When is it just enough?
There are no good options here. I want it to stop.

Handhold
Treat today like a project. One tiny step at a time to get through it.
Start with a hot drink

Are you wanting to leave your marriage but unable to? Sending you a handhold OP. We are here for you.

Every step is a step forward. We are here if you need to tell us what is happening.

If schools shut im going to have to give my job up. I haven’t that long gone back into the workplace and I was so glad to find something. Now I’m going to have to give it up.
I have no way out. I am stuck. I don’t want to lose my children 50% of the time and watch them dealing with the chaos of divorce and going between two houses. They’d be better if I just wasn’t here at all, then they can deal with it and move on. And everyone will say oh no, they wouldn’t get over it etc etc but they would. Life goes on and we all like to think we leave a bigger impact that we really do. A new normal just becomes normal and I think within weeks they’d be fine. Not so much with divorce which goes on FOREVER.

Your mum being dead goes on forever. Life doesn't go on after that. Mine didn't.

My Dad chose to leave us when I was 13 instead of go through the divorce process my DM wanted (due to DFs affair) and let me tell you - it was not ‘easier’ for us children and we definitely did not get over it. In fact it left us with life long MH issues.

Stop even considering this as an option. It’s the easy way out I’m afraid, you owe it to your children to be around for them. It will be hard, but only in the beginning - I PROMISE you, things will get better.

Many many children have divorced parents, it’s not that big a Deal and at least they’d have two happy homes, your alternative would not be happy for them in any way

Dear Legoteacups,
Your life is worth living. I know we are not all the same but I separated from my husband three and a half years ago, after many years of being miserable with him. My children were 16 and 13 at the time and we worked hard to make it a 'civilised' break up. We told them at the beginning of the school summer holidays, as seemed minimum impact time. We are all much happier now than we were then. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.

Sending you these along with, I hope, some hope for the future.

That was meant to be flowers, not a bottle!

Please try to seek help somewhere OP. Make yourself a hot drink and concentrate on your breathing. Just take a few minutes to think if nothing. Stare at something and just breathe then have your drink.
Wheh you have done that if you can try to get some advice. Maybe make a list of things and do a couple things a day then stop to avoid feeling overwhelmed
I wish I had better advice but I just wanted you to know you aren’t alone and there’s support on here and I’m thinking of you.

I think I’ve just reached the point where I’m done.
Yes - it is easier to not be here to witness the fallout but they would be better off without me, so would my parents. No one else would notice much and it’s true that life goes on. Twelve months from now it would be back to normal.
I cannot get out of my marriage without it being messy and angry and hard - and that would last indefinitely.
I don’t feel any joy or happiness ever in anything, lockdown makes it worse but it’s not just lockdown. It’s been like this for a really long time anyway.

You have to hang on. Your children will not get over losing you. It will traumatise them for the rest of their lives. They really will not ever get over it.
You are important...I’m not just saying
that. You are worth fighting for. I honestly can’t say this enough.
There is help out there. Please reach out. Although it doesn’t feel like it now, nothing is ever so bad it can’t get better. Right now is hard for you and I’m so sorry things are so tough...but that doesn’t mean it always will be. Divorce is horribly hard and messy...but it gets better...it does. There is life after this. There IS. I really know how impossible it all feels right now but now isn’t forever. Just do the next thing in front of you. Just get through the next hardest days and if you can do that, you can do anything. What support do you have?

Right, at the risk of sounding brutal, please try to think clearly. You not being here will never ever be easier for your DC and DP. If you take yourself away from your family, please put yourself in their shoes. They will forever battle with the thought that they weren’t enough for you to live for. They need you.

Yes divorce would be messy, angry and hard, but nowhere near as hard for your family as the alternative.

Have you spoken to your GP. Please reach out to your local mental health team. The way you're thinking seems logical to you because of how you feel. I know, I've been there. Please please get yourself some professional support xx

Hello Legoteacups,

We are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
When any of our users are feeling this way we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We really hope the future looks a lot brighter for you soon.