Occasional self harm when under severe situational stress

[MissisBoote]

Like the rest of the country I'm under increasing amounts of stress.

I've been mostly housebound from a chronic illness for the last 7 years. Pretty much got my head round that and had counselling about 5 years ago to help me come to terms with the change of life and mourning how my life want going to be how I imagined it would be.

Lockdown hasn't massively affected me, other than I've not had enough quiet time to rest in the day. I rarely left the house anyway. DH is now working from home indefinitely which I do struggle with as I can't rest properly if there's another people in the house. Sounds weird but I just can't.

DD15 has had anxiety since I first got ill, it increased in severity as return to school loomed after lockdown. Less than three weeks into term she developed a tic disorder due to severe levels of anxiety and she has severe motor and vocal tics. Waiting for her to see the NHS psychiatrist but will be paying privately as the waiting list is forever. GCSE's are supposedly taking place this year. You can imagine what that's doing to her anxiety. Instead of panic attacks she now has tic attacks which is like a panic attack but the tics are even more uncontrollable. She has a head hitting tic which is causing her quite a bit of pain and I don't have the strength any more to try and restrain her whilst this is going on because of the muscle loss from my illness.

One of the things that triggers her tic attacks is any form of disagreement/argument even in a jokey way. It's like her brain is stuck in fight or flight.

This means I don't have any way of venting. I can't go for a run/walk. I use a wheelchair if I need to be out for long periods of time. If I do any more bloody deep breathing I'll be a yogic master in no time.

Christmas Day was really difficult and I just couldn't put a smiley face on all day pretending that everything was fine. Historically I've pulled my hair out or hit myself when I've felt that things are out of control. When I was little I used to sleep on the floor to make myself feel uncomfortable. More recently I've started hitting myself on my thighs just to make myself feel better and as a release for all of the stress. This morning I just lost it and my legs are really swollen and bruised. I've put some arnica on them to try and hopefully help them heal more quickly.

I don't really know what to do. There's no point in talking to the GP as talking therapy isn't going to help change the current situation. Do I just accept that this is it for the short term? I don't really know why I'm posting this tbh.

Hi and sorry to hear you're struggling so much.
Not in a brilliant place myself so apologies for short reply... Just wondering if you'd considered the possibility of autism. Self harm like this in moments of severe stress can happen. And autism is often missed in women and girls.

Talking therapy isn’t supposed to change the situation, it’s supposed to help you explore other ways of reacting to it.

Also, I have heard so many parents and teachers noticing an increase in students having tics.

@WotWouldCJDo I kind of think that I've reached the end of responding to this situation in a positive way hence the self harm. It's like I've used up all of the different tools and money of them are working
I've had years of counselling over the last 45 years.

But yes, there's an epidemic of teen girls with anxiety related tics. There are at least 20 girls my DD's year now with tics and so many more across the country. This doesn't help my dd though as they all set each other off and mirror each others tics. At least she's not alone in it though so less likely to be bullied about it.

I feel that I don't have the resilience to get through the next 7 months. I already can feel myself becoming emotionally detached from my daughter and husband. Today I thought about just chucking myself down the stairs. I'm avoiding food too and drinking instead. I can feel a certain element of self destructive behaviour kicking in.

@TiredAndBonkers thank you - I don't think that I fit any of the autism markers but it's definitely worth considering. It's something that we're looking at for my dd and I'm wondering if it's the root of all of her issues.

*None not money