Everything is just getting worse

[wombatsandaplant]

I’m getting increasingly suicidal. This has been going on months and there’s nothing that can be done. I can’t change meds so what the fuck am I meant to do. The only answer I can think of is suicide. I just want to make everything stop. It’s unlikely I’ll do it but I really fucking want to. Nothing is making this feeling go away. I don’t speak to the psychiatrist till the 6th and there’s nothing he can do. So what the fuck is the point. I’m fucking fed up.

Also kitties are brill. Here's mine. She is a grumpy madam!

I haven't tried audio books but I think it'd be too many words still but Thanks for the suggestion, maybe when I feel a bit better.

Drogon your cat is soo cute. They look like my kitty, except my kitty has orange eyes.

Hi there, OP,

We're really sorry to hear you're feeling so low at the moment. We know we've sent you our links to help a couple of times now so we won't send them again (though if you do want them, please just yell).

If things are feeling really desperate, we'd always say the best number to call is The Samaritans on 116 123 or email [email protected]. They're there 24 hours a day, every day of the year.

If you just feel like you need some distraction though, we'd recommend this thread on talking cats and this one on sewing projects to do this year.

Do keep posting and letting us know how you're getting on.

I’m still getting worse. I just feel so slow and muddled. And I feel like I’m getting further and further away from reality, it’s a weird feeling, I don’t feel here at all.

I just want everything to stop. I want to not be here.

The aliens are trying to get inside the house and I don’t know what to do.

At least the psychiatrist appointment is on Wednesday but it just feels so far away.

OP Wednesday will be here really soon - hold on

I can only reassure you that there is nothing trying to get in your house but I know that’s difficult to believe right now.

Have you been taking your medication? What are your plans for today to keep you occupied?

I know how horrible it is x

Yes I always take my medication. I’m watching hospital, I’ve got 3.5 episodes left.

I feel so awful today. I slept 13 hours. And I’ve been having homicidal voices and thoughts. I’m scared, I don’t know what to do.

giveusashout.org/

Hi wombat, didn't want to read and run. Sorry to hear you are really struggling at the moment, sending love and hugs to you. If I had a pet I would also send you cute pics too. Hope your cat is nearby and snuggled up with you. See link above all you have to do is text shout to 85258 you are not alone and remember feelings aren't facts.

Hi OP, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what you're going through and to reiterate what the pp said, to 'remember feelings aren't facts'. Those bad voices and thoughts are not your own, you're a good person who is struggling because a disease is making you think and hear things that aren't your fault. The fact you are struggling proves that they are not your thoughts.
You must be so strong to keep going through this, just keep going, just one more day until your appointment and you can tell your psychiatrist everything that is going on.

Are you on Instagram? There's a tonne of awesome animal accounts on insta. Lots of cats, dogs, other animals. Or there might be sewing projects? It's very easy to scroll down the pictures for ages. I just wondered if that might be easier to self sooth and pass time with until tomorrow if words are too much for you right now.

I am on Instagram but I don’t really like it, it stresses me out. I like scrolling through Facebook though, I like a few cat pages on there so I can see them on there.

I feel really fucking ill. I hate it I just want everything to stop. The homicidal thoughts and voices are up just getting worse. I feel like I’m never gonna get better.

Well just had my appointment. OT appointment is in three weeks. Then they will asssess whether the cpn will come on board. Upped my meds from 9mg of haloperidol to 12mg. I decided not to mention the antidepressants for now to see whether the antipsychotics dose increase will work.

Good to see you on here today Wombat. Sounds like it was positive meeting. Hope you have a restful evening, I imagine it's been quite an exhausting few days for you. Have you been sewing anything this week?

Thanks, I have not sewn anything just haven’t felt up to it

I'm so sorry this sounds terrifying. Are the crisis team supporting you ( assuming you're in the uk)

When I'm feeling really bad sometimes some diazepam can help a bit. And zopiclone for some sleep

Thanks. The crisis team are not supporting me, I’m in Scotland.

I sleep well luckily, too much really.

Im pissed off. My psychiatrist said he’d send the prescription to my doctors straight away so that I could pick it up today. But there’s no record of even any correspondence between my psych and the gp. Fucking hell

Well the psychiatrists secretary phoned the gp surgery who said it was all ready to go. So my dad went back down to the pharmacy who said because I get my meds in dosette boxes pre made up that it won’t be ready till Tuesday. So that’s helpful, psychiatrist wanted it done ASAP, clearly the pharmacy are just trying to do as little as possible.