New mum and Health anxiety

[Jane0506qz]

Hi everyone,

I’ve suffered with health anxiety for a long time, but since I’ve had my daughter 5 months ago it’s gotten so much worse. It started out first of all me constantly worrying I was going to lose her and me being convinced that there was something seriously wrong with her. In the last 2 months it seems to have transferred onto something terrible being wrong with me and the the constant fear of her living her life without me to look after her.

I have this constant feeling as though I’m not really in reality. I can see what’s going on but I can’t quite focus. Does that make sense to anyone else? When I explain the feeling to my partner he says “that’s impossible you can’t feel like that”. I seem like I’m functioning on the outside and talking away and playing with my daughter but on the inside I’m constantly panicking about how I’m feeling. I’m worrying that this feeling could be a brain tumour I try all the time to explain what the feeling is but it’s really hard to actually put it into words. It’s almost like I’m constantly floating and I just can’t focus. as soon as the feeling comes (which is everyday almost constantly) I start panicking and the feeling gets worse and it’s just a vicious cycle

I’ve spoken with the doctor and I’ve had some blood tests done to see if there’s anything wrong that could be making me feel like this. I just wondered if anyone else experiences this and whether it sounds like my anxiety causing this or something medical that anyone’s experienced before.

I just want to feel better. I love my daughter so much and I want to be able to enjoy her but I’m struggling so much to even get through the day at the moment and I feel like I’m really letting her down because I can never be fully present

Any advice would be great..

I have health anxiety brought on from when my son had a liver transplant as a baby. He is 6 now and it is still there but more manageable.
The pandemic has made it worse though unfortunately.

I totally understand the feelings you are referring to as I feel exactly the same when the anxiety is bad.
One way to bring myself out of that frame of mind is to use the Calm app on my phone. There is whole relaxation/guided meditations for anxiety and they really work for me.

I advise not using Google to look up symptoms but to try and stay in control of your health in other ways like getting enough sleep, eating well and getting exercise.

Lots of people recommend therapy too. I've not had that yet though.

If you'd feel comfortable accessing therapy then I'd REALLY recommend this. I can totally empathise! But please see your GP x

I agree it would be great if you could see your gp as I think there is a lot of support that could help, and I believe it is easier to access it if you have recently had a baby. It’s really tough having a young baby, and that’s without the extra challenge of corona virus. I really feel for new mums at the moment, it must be incredibly tough. If you are able to, try to see friends and make sure you get time to yourself. Also like pp has said, try to make sure you’re getting as much sleep as possible as this can make such a difference to anxiety in my experience. And step away from google!

DD was born in April 2019 and in the May I was under the GP for tests.
I remember having horrendous chest pains and convinced myself I was having a heart attack. GP tests revealed very low iron so I was put on tablets for about 7 months. I learned to realise the chest pain only appeared when I began to worry, when I wasn't worrying, I had no pain. By the Autumn of 2019 I was back at the GP about a lymph node on my neck. The node has been raised for over 12 years (possibly longer, 12 years ago is when I felt it). I prodded and poked it constantly to the point it was very sore and even when I wasn't touching it I would feel pain in it (in hindsight I was aggravating it by pressing it). Around this time I referred myself to Mind for counselling where I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder which manifests itself as Health Anxiety. GP referred me for an ultrasound scan which came back completely normal - he also prescribed sertraline (never taken it, just always carry it with me). I continued with counselling weekly for a few months then felt better once the results were back so stopped.

Next thing I know by the end of the year I had another referral as I found a lump in my left breast. December 2019 between Christmas and New Year I went to the breast clinic where I was examined and had an ultrasound that showed that thankfully the lump was just a fatty lump and nothing to worry about. I was elated!

Worries went. Nothing to worry about.

Convinced myself I found another lump so GP referred me back to the breast clinic in February. Specialist couldn't find anything.

Found out I was pg with DD2 in March, also thought I found another lump. Referred again in June 2020, specialist had a good feel and a good examine of both and said I just have lumpy breasts, that with pregnancy they can sometimes be lumpier than usual. I mentioned I had occasional pain in my left one and he said pain wasn't a sign of cancer (however Dr Google told me otherwise...) and that things felt as they should. I now self examine once a month.

I'm lucky that the GP kept referring me - she said she was only doing it for my peace of mind which I'm grateful for.

DD2 was born in October. Currently on the ceiling with my anxiety again over my left breast again, occasional pain and self examining every day practically. Tonight I convinced myself I felt something which wasn't there when I felt again but then it was if that makes sense? I'm also considering starting to take my sertraline tomorrow as I feel I'm letting my mind go into overdrive.

What I'm getting at by posting this hugeeee message is that don't feel you're alone - myself like many others also feels physical symptoms with anxiety. Google is no ones friend. I find it helps to vent on here or try and talk myself through how I'm feeling.

Hope you're okay