Anyone suffer with false memory/harm OCD/ intrusive thoughts?

[ocdsufferer]

I've had OCD since I was a child. I've had CBT a few years back but it didn't help. I have intrusive thoughts daily, and they always get worse in towns of areas and after having a baby. I have these moments where ill be stressed with my toddler and I'll pick her up to call her down, deal with her needs (if she's been winging, needs something) and when she's been teething and crying none stop I've been stressed and my ocd plays up and makes me think I've hurt her or thrown her whist he stressed ( my brain knows I didn't but this thought turns into some kind of
Memory that I did do to, so I doubt myself and think I really did do it, then I feel guilty, and worry what damage I've done and then can't stop replaying it and then I get all mixed up and confused)
I feel like I'm being brainwashed by my own mind.... I've always had harm OCD for as long as I can remember but sometimes I can't cope with the thoughts that turn into memories 😢

*in times of stress

Hi! First of all, sorry to hear what you've been going through. OCD is so bloody tough to deal with and can cause us so much pain. Mine didn't surface until my son was born over three years ago but my god did it shake me to the core. Lots and lots of intrusive harm thoughts surrounding him, me being the 'perpetrator'. I'd not really had any experience of mental health issues before so literally thought I was going mad and needed to be locked away. Ended up confessing all to my husband and mum who took me to the GP. Like you had CBT which did help to an extent but nothing like ERP. Have you heard of it? If you haven't it stands for exposure, response and prevention therapy. You expose yourself to the thoughts every day, write the thoughts down, shout them out, create scripts to go over again and again. If you haven't tried this, I strongly recommend you look into it.

A couple of books that have really helped me -

The happiness trap (gamechanger)
How to overcome unwanted and intrusive thoughts
The mind workout

There is also a fab FB group called The OCD parents project.

Message me if you ever feel rubbish and want to chat. And please remember they are thoughts ONLY. Your actions are what makes you as a person. xx