To ask what it's like being raised my a depressed parent?

[DebbieDowner101]

Been suffering with depression/suicidal feelings all my life, but a mixture of having 2 toddlers and being in this horrible new normal is really testing me like never before. I've tried to kill myself before and definitely would again if I didn't have DC.

I suppose my question is, if I'm going to stick around then what does the future look like for my DC with me in it with them?

I'm functional but it's definitely obvious I'm struggling immensely. My DC are 2 and 3 so pretty oblivious at the moment, but I dread being a negative impact in their life.

My mum was unstable with unhealthy coping mechanisms.
My dad was an abusive alcoholic, in and out of our lives.
I'll be honest, we didn't know any different and the area we grew up in had plenty of troubled families. I didn't get on with my mum but that was deeper than the depression.
I've had depression since I was a teen, take antidepressants and anxiety meds.
I think it makes a real difference when you can accept that this is part of your chemical make up.
I have 4DC and a husband that works 12 hrs 5/6 days a week. Some days its like dragging yourself through treacle but celebrating even the tiniest victories really helps.

They are definitely far better off with you here. Also worth bearing in mind that the current situation has lots of people struggling with mental health that wouldn't normally. Add to that you have very young DC, which many people struggle with. Things will get easier on both fronts! Going back to the GP sounds like a good shout and will hopefully get you through until things start to ease.

Sorry to you that things are so hard right now. I think you're definitely doing the right thing in speaking to the GP and hopefully they can refer you for some therapy. As mentioned above, that you're thinking of your DC in this shows that you are a good and loving mother. I don't think anyone gets through adulthood without some baggage, some issues, something that undoubtedly effects them and their parenting. You are recognising and taking responsibility for yours, a lot of people don't and inadvertently repeat the same cycles. All we can do is our best and seek help and support when needed. My MH is pretty good and I work in therapy myself, however I still regularly worry about messing up my own DD and how my own issues impact on her.

My dad had depression but it was never, ever spoken about. I knew something was wrong (especially around age 10)but he just terribly withdrawn and he nor my mother spoke to us about it. In hindsight, I really wish they had talked to me and my siblings about it in an age appropriate way, I wish I knew and had the language to talk about it. I developed depression as a teenager and self harmed in secret for many years because I didn't have the language to talk about it and thought that's how you just cope with it.

My dad's really well now and talks very openly about his mental health struggles and our relationship is great. I know they were probably just trying to protect us from it, but I wish it had been openly discussed with us as kids.

My dad tried to commit suicide when I was 7 so I was always worried about him, he wasn’t with my mum and didn’t find a partner until I was in my 20s so he was all alone & as an only child, I was terrified with the burden of everything being on me.
He also cut contact with his mum which further isolated him and myself as a result as I had no real contact with that side of the family which is still clear to this day. When id stay on a weekend, he would stay in bed until the afternoon leaving me alone all morning.
He was never on medication or saw a GP, so all I’d say to you is try to get help to get better. Your children have each other (which is more than I had!) but ultimately having suffered from anxiety & depression myself, it’s important we seek help.

My mother has manic depression, I've been aware of it since I was 8 or so. In my case it has hugely impacted our relationship, very much for the worse, but there are major reasons why and I believe they could have been resolved with the right management.

If you are trying to do something about it and keep going, that is all that matters.
It doesn't mean you have to be constantly cheerful, fully functioning or even get out of bed on bad days (practicalities of caring for small children notwithstanding). If you are covering the basics of care and emotional needs of your children and try your best each day - do that and you won't go far wrong.

I've seen my mother be in bed for weeks on end, doing the bare minimum of housework and not going to work, but we had food, a house and clean clothes so I was happy enough.

Things that were neglected were my personal care, so I didn't brush my teeth properly or at all for months at a time as a pre-teen so now I've had a lot of dental work done - that i am disappointed with as I wish I'd had more attention to be made to do that as it has such a lifelong impact to daily health.

Another issue is that she did take medication for the first few years, but then would stop for periods and decide she was 'cured' - letting loose a manic depressive with no self regulation or responsibility on things like not paying household bills and going on spending sprees on credit cards so debt built up wasn't great.

The manic side meant she has done a lot of unpredictable things, as a child growing up I thought she was being 'fun' but looking back I see the mania behind the behaviour. There is also a lot of destruction, with grand plans and intent on doing this or that started, but then not followed through or only half done or planned badly, with unfortunate endings on more than one occasion despite me or others trying to rescue the situation.

I am currently no contact with her as an adult because I have no time for someone who takes no responsibility for their actions. As she's grown older the irrational behaviour has got worse and worse, with no management by medication so after trying many times to help her, forgiving her and starting again over and over I have recognised the cycle and given up.

Don't do what I've described above, try your best for your children no matter how small the effort, tell them you love them and keep going. They will see and appreciate what you are able to do and know you are doing your best.