Hi, I’m sorry for the message but I’m just hoping for some advice or general words of encouragement:(
I’m a mum to a 8 month old and I think I may have depression, but I’m afraid to get it diagnosed as I’m unsure if social services become involved. I’m a great mum and I always make sure that he has everything he needs and more.
I think my issues have been there for a long time, even before I was pregnant. About 3 years ago when I was a college student I lived at home with my dad and mum. My dad was an alcoholic and had BPD (wasn’t diagnosed at the time) and there was so much abuse, not so much physically but definitely mentally and emotionally. I live with my partner and his mum now, and I have no family of my own (and I mean that, I don’t have a mum, dad, grandparents, aunties or uncles to speak to). So I think I just generally feel really unloved and unwanted. And lately there’s been a lot of tension between me and my partner, and I know that if I lost him I’d have no one. And that with being a mum is really hard. I have thought about harming myself, but I know I would never do it because I couldn’t leave my child without a mum, but I’m just so down all the time because of the constant thoughts and feelings that I have.
I’m very happy a lot of the time, but these thoughts just keep reoccurring and I’m wondering if maybe being diagnosed with depression and being prescribed antidepressants may help me to feel better and help with these thoughts that I have.
And it’s like today, my partners brother and girlfriend came up and I stayed upstairs whilst my partner took our baby down, and I was eavesdropping and felt jealous about not being involved, but then at the same time it was my own fault for refusing to go down. I just feel like no one even knows I’m here. And my partner is constantly calling me miserable when I honestly can’t help it.
I’m just wondering if you personally think it’s likely that I have depression and whether I should get it diagnosed.