Complete memory blank

[ChristmasSomething]

It’s really bothering me, what do you think about it and any experience?
I have ptsd and bipolar.
I’m having a real low atm that reached crisis point over the weekend.
I was very close to not being here.. anyway as per my safety plan I reached out to my contacts. I spoke to 1 and then I went to bed, or so I thought.
It now comes out that I had a long conversation with another and I have absolutely no recollection whatsoever. Literally none. Whatever I said worried her but I had to pretend that I did remember after she then worried more that I seemed to have no recollection.

I should add that I am ok, I have people to call. The old mood happens as part of the bipolar.
It’s just spooked me that I have a huge blank. Absolutely no collection.

Low mood and no recollection. I really should preview my posts!

Sounds like dissociation? I dissociate a lot and can forget conversations I’ve had, things I’ve done - like you’ve said it can be a total blank. It’s often that I switch to a different part of myself and lose a connection to my ‘normal’ self. Don’t know if this is what is happening for you but wondered if it could be a possibility. Hope you’re doing OK today

I didn’t even think of dissociation, that totally makes sense!
My memory often isn’t great but it’s thrown me the fact I remember nothing about it at all. Thank you.
Still very low, constantly trying to distract myself from certain thoughts. I think it’s been made far worse that this has happened this close to Christmas (which I struggle with anyway) and the whole Covid stuff with isolation. The usual visits I’d get during this are now phone calls. They are not the same in any shape or form.

Ah I’m glad it’s helped make some sense of it. It’s extremely disconcerting isn’t it.

I’m sorry you’re still feeling so low. I find Christmas very difficult too at the best of times, let alone during a pandemic. It sounds like you’re doing really well just to get through the days and brilliant you are able to reach out for support. Do you mean you don’t get visits you’d usually have from MH services or from friends/family? I agree phone calls are not the same level of support - sometimes you really need to be with someone, it’s been so tricky trying to navigate this year with changes to therapy and services. Distractions are a good plan, just whatever gets you through minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day at times like this.

Both!
I meant the MH services though. They’ll visit if deemed ‘essential’ but what is that?
I can understand it but, as you say, sometimes you just really need to be with someone and talk face to face. Now is definitely one of those times.
I really am living day be day, hour by hour etc. I can’t think about tonight yet, let alone tomorrow.
I have learnt the hard way that I need to reach out at certain times. It’s very hard to and still not something I find easy.