Unhappy? midlife crisis? depressed?

[wishihadrubyslippers]

Please can someone lend an ear and help me find a way forward?

I am not happy about several things in my life: job, marriage, where I live (far from family), few friends. My self-care is non-existent and I just can't find the energy.

I don't know if it's a midlife crisis, depression, or just 'never being satisfied' (dh's words).

How do I tell the difference? What do I do about it? Has anyone got any tips? Right now it feels like only a magic wand would help.

Sorry to hear that you are having some difficulties.

My tip would be to start with some basic self-care if you aren’t doing these already:

• try to get more/ better sleep/ practice good sleep hygiene,
• stay hydrated,
• eat nutritious food (adding a vitamin tablet, and more veg & fruit to your meals if you don’t think you are having enough),
• do some exercise every day (outdoors if possible),
• shower and get dressed every day (if you aren’t already).

Those should start to help improve your energy levels and mood, then you can move on other self-care practices, and looking at your bigger worries.

Of course, it’s always worth getting an appointment with your doctor to check for anaemia, thyroid issues etc which might be making you feel low.

Sending you best wishes.

Thank you for taking the time to reply, and for the gentle, common sense advice.

You're right, I need to get a grip on the small stuff before I tackle the 'issues'.

I probably appear to be functioning normally to outsiders but I think most of my energy has been going into just that: getting up, ready and out to work, doing my job as best I can in the circumstances. I teach, in Europe so slightly less nightmarish in terms of safety, but it is so draining trying to buoy up the kids and make their world as normal as possible right now. My own children are struggling too, one of them a lot, and my dh doesn't do emotional support so it all falls on me.

I just feel overwhelmed recently, running on empty. I spend/waste far too much time thinking about the things that are causing me to feel unhappy, and procrastinating. This in itself is draining. I need to get back to a basic self-care routine as a matter of urgency.

Sleep and exercise are definitely lacking. Diet is mostly OK but can definitely up the fruit and veg. I usually meal plan but this has gone out the window the last month.
Basic personal hygiene is fine but the housework is just not getting done. Again, I need to get take baby steps to get back into a routine. I think I will try to set up a very basic bullet journal/checklist and go from there. I did it once a couple of years ago and it did help.

Thank you again. Just having you hear me has helped enormously.

I’m so glad you found my suggestions useful. These are very difficult times, so just go one day at a time.

One thing that I have found helps me to get stuff done is to do one thing every hour I’m awake, and to write it on a list / in a journal. The “one thing” might be as simple as making the bed, emptying the bin, cutting my nails, etc. In work hours, it would usually be a work task, or some self-care like drinking a glass of water. It seems to incentivise me to get going - even if I am rushing at one minute to the hour to do a task (any task!). Maybe that might work for you, as you are looking at doing a checklist.

For housework - I find some of the suggestions in the Unfuck Your Habitat website quite useful. www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/
Especially the one to clear surfaces (tables etc.) as it doesn’t take long and make a massive visual impact of reduced mess.

If your DH doesn’t do emotional support, he might be able to get on board with more practical support, such as getting the house sorted out, so maybe it’s something you could plan together.

Sorry you feel like that.
Fearandsurprise gave you a really good advice.
I would prioritise sleep and time with children over any housework. Sleep is foundational (humans are only species who voluntarily sleep deprive themselves). Children could become a source of emotional energy or a source of guilt.
I hope you'd get time to recover a bit on holidays.

One thing you could try is to find some kind of mental exercise that you enjoy. Crosswords, logic puzzles, jigsaws, sudoku, even learning a bit of a new language on Duolingo - try all of these - something will fit. You may feel like your brain is too sluggish but that doesn't matter - when you find yourself getting trapped in thoughts try one of these and eventually you will get absorbed.

I also started exercising really hard after bad anxiety six years ago and I've been stable since. I don't know how I would cope at all if I ever couldn't do that.

HPFA - yeah, that's such a weird fact.

It worked for me too - once I've found something that engaged my brain in a way that daily life doesn't I started to feel more life in me.

Have you thought about some counselling to talk over the worries you have? It’s good to talk to someone who you can speak to freely without judgement, who will hopefully be able to help you work things out for yourself.

Coming back to say thank you.

Some very good ideas and supportive replies.

Ploddding on, somewhat more productive and the housework is under control more or less. Sleep is still a challenge but getting better. I haven't got round to exercise yet. That's next on my list, no doubt yoga with Adriene which I have done in the past and enjoyed.

Thank you again, wishing you all well.