Self harm *potentially triggering

[Ingvermama]

I have posted on here a few times, and I'm still really struggling with stuff. I am being treated for depression and anxiety, and take sertraline. I have had CBT, which helped me lots, and some counselling, which has made me feel really bad again. Anyway I have a history of self harm, I did it as a teenager to my mid twenties and now again in my late forties. Just looking for ideas how others have stopped using this terrible coping mechanism.

Sorry, I have no advice, I suppose I am here to share any advice you are given and say I know the feeling. I also self-harmed as a teen/ early 20s and have restarted in the last year or so. I kind of felt like the only person doing this at the age of nearly 40. Unlike you, I have not been diagnosed with anxiety or depression because I have not seen a doctor, so I am not being treated. I was referred for counselling via my work employee assistance programme thing, which went badly and made the self-harm worse. I have told 1 person at work, and my husband recently told me that he knew I was self-harming but hadn’t mentioned it (this was part of a wider conversation about the state of our marriage, that isn’t an isolated issue).

Thanks for replying badlydrawnbear. I agree all the info you read about self harm is about young people, unlike to think of myself as young, but at the age of 47 🤷‍♀️ I'm not!! Is there a reason you haven't been to the dr for your symptoms? I found the GP was so kind and helpful, gave me meds and the details of talking therapies, I have learned so much by doing the CBT, I can't be grateful enough for this. I just despair if my ability to just suddenly feel so bad again that I need to resort to my self harming ways. I haven't told my husband about the self harm, he knows about the depression and anxiety. I am working up to telling him about it, the CBT therapist recommended I do as it will take some of the stress out of it and I will have more support at home. I have lots of feelings of shame about my whole self, it so's hard.

You’re right, it’s really hard. I can’t go to the GP, because appointments are over the phone and I really struggle with talking on the phone (partly why the counselling didn’t work out) and I have no idea how to explain how I am feeling. Also, the GP can prescribe medication which I don’t want or refer to therapy which I can’t face again after failing at counselling. I told my manager at work in a very difficult conversation by pointing at my arm (I wear a short-sleeved uniform) and saying that wasn’t an accident. She asked if I did it or someone else, which made me feel guilty for doing something that looks like it could be domestic violence. She reacted better than I could ever have hoped for and is very supportive. I think other colleagues are increasingly suspicious of my lies about my injuries though.

Talking on the phone to the GP made it so much easier for me than face to face, it's funny how we are all different! I would have preferred my talking therapy face to face as I think they gain a lot of info about a person from their body language. I wear a short sleeved uniform at work, one of my good friends there a while ago jokingly said "God, you've always got cuts and plasters, I'll be checking you for self harm!" I cringed inside so much but just laughed it off.

Nobody else is posting to give us the advice you posted for, but I am glad I came across your thread to now feel a bit less alone in this. My colleagues and I joke about how clumsy I am and how I should stop cooking and only eat cold food to avoid burning myself on the oven again. I really hope the therapy helps you find a way to stop hurting yourself.

Thank you, I hope it works too. And I hope you find a solution to your problem. Try the website helpmindsheal. Someone suggested it to me, and it looks helpful. Also read Mind charity website for useful ideas. I'm always here if you need support, I think mental health threads don't get the same support as more mainstream ones as people don't know what to say.