I just cant cope anymore

[Justsmileandcarryon]

I'm suffering with depression and severe anxiety and I took citalopram 10mg for 6 weeks then increased to 20mg which im in week 4 of taking. Also taking diazepam when needed. Im still very much struggling, every morning I am sick due to worry, I cry every day (I think more because I'm so anxious rather than the depression as I do think the tablets have helped a bit from that side). My husband is very supportive and would do anything for me, however, its taken its toll on him and he is getting quite annoyed with me now. He says I never see the positives in anything and he feels he is doing everything himself. I feel completely useless and I dont deserve him or my girls. I feel im a horrible person, I absolutely hate myself and its just ruining my life as I dont want to go anywhere unless I have to. Ive cancelled nail appts, hair appts.. im just too scared to go. I said to hubby that I would ring docs to ask if there is any long term meds which help more with anxiety which I can take with the citalopram but he said I cant always be taking tablets. Sorry for the long post, I just don't even know what to do anymore x

Hi there, firstly there is nothing wrong with being on medication if it’s needed. I would go back to your GP and explain that you are struggling with the anxiety side and see if there’s anything you can have. It doesn’t have to be long term. You do what you need to do, you are obviously suffering at the moment. Also what about trying counselling services - I know you can self refer in some areas. Maybe there are some techniques like CBT to help with anxiety. Do you get anytime to yourself away from the house? For a walk or anything like that.
It wasn’t very supportive of your DH to say those things but people who aren’t suffering often can’t understand how it feels to be crippled with anxiety and depression. Finally, big hugs to you. I know how it feels.

I've been where you are. It is indescribably awful.

It does pass, I promise.

Please ring your GP tomorrow. It can take a while to find the right anti depressant.

You need to access some psychological help - your GP will be able to refer you to a therapist.

It is crippling. Hang on in there, your family need you more than you know

Would someone say “you can’t always be taking tablets” if you had arthritis or lupus or migraines? No, they’d be encouraging you to take the medicine. This is exactly the same. Phone your GP tomorrow, you need more help.

I cant bear the thought of starting a new antidepressant as it was hell when I first started citalopram and I'd already tried sertraline. I did cbt online but didn't find it helpful really. Im on the waiting list for telephone counselling but the wait is 2 months. Im a complete mess with anxiety. Im terrified of everything. And once I start worrying about something, it just gets worse and worse. I feel like I'm going mad. I just cant bear it anymore. X

Please phone your GP tomorrow. Explain what you've said here.

This will pass. It won't be forever

Can you afford to do private counselling. Its what I've had to do as I've been on the waiting list for over 2 years.

Look into medication. You don't have to be on it forever, many people successfully come off Antidepressants after a year or 2 and are fine. If you need to stay on them, well its better than carrying on as you are. Would you avoid taking insulin if you were diabetic or Sanomigran if you suffered migraines? Of course you can take medication if you need it, what a ridiculous thing for him to say.

If your brain doesn't produce enough serotonin on its own then it needs help and thats that.

BTW not all ADs are like Citalopram. Its the most widely tolerated in general but its a twat to start on. I take Amitriptyline which isn't really used that much now because of its side effects but all I got was a dry mouth which mostly subsided after a few weeks and a few mildly dizzy spells in the first fortnight. I had maybe 4 dizzy moments in total and they were pretty much like you get when you stand up too fast.

Try a different one. They aren't all the same and you won't necessarily get side effects with all of them.

I understand how you are feeling. When my anxiety is bad it’s like my brain can not stop.

Today’s worry is that we had a delivery and the box was dirty. In my mind that box had oil on it, dd carried the box and opened it so now I think she has oil on her etc. My mind won’t let me rest but tomorrow I’ll move onto something else.

I’m sorry I can’t give you any advice but I hope things start to get better for you soon.

Thank you for your comments. I have spoken to the gp and he has increased citalopram to 40mg. Hopefully things will be easier with this.