Stress

[Allthenumbers]

Hello, please can someone offer advice?

I’m stressed. I’ve wondered if I’m depressed but I’m not, I’m stressed. I have a an almost 4 yr old and a two year old. I don’t work at the moment. I’ve probably had 3 “full nights sleep” in the last two years although it is better now.

My eldest is autistic. Awaiting her final assessment but highly likely she’ll be diagnosed. Her behaviour can be hugely stressful to be around as well as the many anxieties I have about the future. My two year old is very strong willed. Her tantrums cause a meltdown in my older daughter - it’s so stressful. My eldest can speak but often won’t communicate. So it’s like being ignored. Trying to get out of the house in the morning is so hard.

The pandemic has obviously also had an impact,

My dh is great and supportive but I can’t cope anymore. I get teary or shouty if the kids start to lose it where as I could usually stay calm and work it out.

My question is, do I see the gp? What can they do? Are anti depressants an option?

I’ve had cbt in the past. I don’t think that’ll help. Mindfulness and yoga and running have helped me in the past but I’m lacking motivation.

Sorry if this is rambly. I feel I’m letting my kids down and I need to get better.

Hey OP. I can’t come at this from a place of having children but it is absolutely the case the medication could help - whether ADs or other, more anxiety-oriented meds. A GP usually veers towards ADs first.

Sleep will be a major factor here. I say that with experience of challenging insomnia. Maybe the focus needs to be on 2 year old’s sleep. Once your older daughter gets her diagnosis, she might well be given something like melatonin. And if they both sleep better, you’ll sleep better (assuming you meant that they were the reason behind your lack of sleep).

You have to try to exercise and meditate if that’s been helpful before. Even if you miss some days, try your best. It makes such a difference to mood and sleep. I’m in the same boat with that at the moment and this week I’ve really pushed myself and it’s helping me to relax better already.

Well done for doing the exercise and meditation. I know you’re right. I get so little time to myself anyway and after the kids are asleep all I want to do is watch the telly. But I know I’ll feel better for 20 mins yoga. It’s so hard to prioritise also because there is always something I should be doing for my daughter.

Thanks for the info on medication. I do want to avoid it but I’m so stressed and exhausted now.

The sleep of both kids is better it’s just chances are one of them wakes up every night. It is gradually improving.

How would you feel about picking one small activity to add into each day from the things that you know are helpful?

So rather than trying to suddenly start doing multiple things and overwhelming yourself, just aiming to spend 5 minutes each day doing a mindfulness meditation (or whatever mindfulness activity you use).

Give yourself the time and space to feel comfortable with that for a few weeks before adding in a little bit of something else. Gradually building up until you feel able to do the 20 minutes of yoga you find helpful without exhausting/overwhelming yourself.

It's important to make changes gradually.

If you did try CBT again, it would be tailored to the struggles you have now and could be very practical about strategies to help you manage more easily. It doesn't have to be about worksheets and "thinking errors".

What about your diet? How does that look?

Have you tried any apps like Calm or Breathe? (Or colour by numbers?!)

Journal? Soothing activities?

It's not about doing everything but finding the things that work for you and your life right now.

Thanks. I go journaling for 5 mins most mornings and a 5 min quick workout. Those do help. But i can still hear the kids and often there is a squabble I can hear (dh deals with if I’m having this time out but I can still hear it) and often there’s “where’s mummy. I want mummy.”.

We did used to do a 20 min yoga in the eve but got out of the habit. It’s something I’d really like to get back. It’s just usually we’re so exhausted and fed up after the kids are finally asleep.

I have the calm app which is great. Just don’t use it enough.

The only reliable time I have is after the kids are asleep. I need to use it. Maybe either a 10 min meditation or a quick yoga? I think the reason I do the 5 min things in the morning is that they’re 5 mins. So maybe I’ll start with under 10 min yogas. We used yoga with Adrienne.

I don’t think cbt is right cos it’s not thoughts so much as just the intense pressure of two children screaming at me. The constant fucking tantrums etc Although having said that there are a lot of thoughts and worries around my daughter’s autism. It’s also very isolating and stressful. There’s shit loads of research and depressing stats on the mental health of parents of autistic kids!

Thank you both for replying.

My diet is ok. I don’t drink. I’d give diet 6/10!