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Mental health

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Original poster

I can’t carry on much longer

10 replies

Cantholdonanylonger · 10/12/2020 23:34

A year ago my life was ok. Decent wage coming in, 2 children, happy, no mental health problems.

Fast forward over the worst 9 months of my life. 3 months of worry that we were going to end up with no jobs, fearful every day of catching CV as we are vulnerable, threatened with fines if we don’t send children into the Covid factories and I find out tomorrow if my dad is going to die of cancer. Can’t even hug my family in case I give them CV as they are more vulnerable than me.

I regret ever bringing children into this shitty life, where no joy ever makes up for the pain. And if I didn’t have them I wouldn’t have to be here either. But now I’m stuck. Just about surviving each day with no end to this in sight.

OP posts:

SMaCM · 10/12/2020 23:37

Sorry you've had such a bad year. There is an end in sight now we have a vaccine. Try and make some plans for better days. Take care ❤️.

LloydBC · 10/12/2020 23:37

So sorry you are feeling like this. It’s been such a difficult year.

Is there a friend or family member you can reach out to talk to, or have a SD walk with?

WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 10/12/2020 23:41

Did you lose your jobs?
Have you caught covid?
Did you get fined?

I'm not trying to make light if your fears but from the outside looking in, your problem is your fears. Not covid.

I'm not sure if me saying that will help you when you're in this frame if mind. If you can't see things differently, it might be worth reaching out to your GP to discuss if you have and need help for anxiety and depression?

There is no disputing that all the things you mention are massively stressful. I'm sorry that they've all snowballed into this for you and hope you get good news about your dad tomorrow.

But there is far more joy in life than you currently can imagine.

Original poster

Cantholdonanylonger · 10/12/2020 23:47

I used to have a joyful life. But now I know how quickly things can change I’m petrified.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 10/12/2020 23:49

It sounds like you could do with talking to your gp op. You sound very down.

borntohula · 10/12/2020 23:51

@LloydBC

So sorry you are feeling like this. It’s been such a difficult year.

Is there a friend or family member you can reach out to talk to, or have a SD walk with?

Sorry but no one who is feeling that down needs to be told to go on a 'SD walk' ffs. More likely to make them feel worse than better.

Spittingchestnuts · 10/12/2020 23:52

I'm really sorry you are feeling so low op. And I am very sorry to hear about your father's illness. That must be incredibly stressful for you and your family at a time like this.

Have you got any RL support around you op? If not, can you try and speak to your gp and see what is available in terms of talking therapies in your area? I know the way you are feeling now is very understandable in the circumstances, but you could have depression on top which is making things feel extra bleak. It might be worth having a chat with the gp and finding out in any case? It might help to have some support for yourself while you are supporting your dad?

Finally, looking at things from a historical perspective, although much suffering was involved, Europe did eventually recover from two wars and Spanish flu. Many good people worked hard to enable that to happen. And scientists have created an amazing vaccine for Covid-19 which your DC will eventually benefit from as they will be able to live freely again. Please hang in there op and good luck to you and your dad for tomorrow

MadameBlobby · 10/12/2020 23:56

Big hugs. I ended up on happy pills and beta blockers over all of this before the first lockdown so you’ve done great in comparison! My dad’s got cancer too, shite isn’t it. and I suggest a chat with your Gp xx

Original poster

Cantholdonanylonger · 11/12/2020 00:06

I’m thinking of going to the GPs to get as many strong drugs as I can get. Maybe Valium, sleeping tablets or to buy some online. If i can’t have oblivion then spending as much time asleep as possible is the next best thing.

OP posts:

MNHQ

RivkaMumsnet · 11/12/2020 10:37

Hello OP, we're so sorry to hear you are feeling this way - it sounds like things have been incredibly difficult.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We are also going to move this to the Mental Health topic, where we hope you'll continue to receive support from other Mumsnetters.

Wishing you all the best OP and hope you can access the support you need.

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