Finally stopped crying

[LeakyEyes]

Though it's taken hours.

Have been struggling for the past week. I've had patches like this before where I feel like something awful is happening or about to. Sometimes, like this time, I worry that there's something horribly wrong with me and I'll die and leave my DC without a mum. Other times, because I've been a victim of fraud in the past, I worry I'll check the bank or my emails and see something horrendous happening there.

This particular patch has been triggered by work, I'll be handing in my notice but with a long notice period it'll be a few months before I actually leave. I was going to leave next year anyway, it's not just due to this, but this stuff makes me wish I could just stay in bed tomorrow and never go back. The past week I've struggled to sleep, struggled to concentrate, been tearful or all three. I've had enough.

I've a couple more days then I'm on holiday and I'll have a few weeks off. Wondering if I should see a doctor during this time. Is there anything they could do?

It would definitely be a good idea to reach out to the doctor, have you spoken to them previously when you have been suffering?

My husband sat me down a few months ago now & bought it to my attention, that I have been suffering with depression. I just thought I was a bit low/stressed but realised when talking to him that actually it wasn't just that. It's been a tough year with a very long furlough from work, money worries, redundancy worries, stress and anxiety with our eldest son (who has a speech delay and gdd and has just started school) and I have been at burnout.

It took me a few weeks to accept the fact I was depressed and pick up the courage to call the gp. I spoke to a duty doc and he said that as a first point it might be good to speak to our local "steps to well-being" service & if things don't get better then we could look at other options (like medication, but I'd rather avoid that if I can). Do you know if there is a similar service where you are? It's a free nhs service which you can self-refer to. I had to wait a few weeks for an initial appointment, I was super anxious the morning of that tel appointment, literally couldn't keep still, I'm amazed I even answered the phone...But the lady was lovely & she has put me on a 5 week cognitive therapy course, again I've had to wait a few weeks for that to start but the first session was last Thursday. Those seeds of doubt drifted into my mind in the morning before the session; what was the point in attending/I would be wasting everyone's time/ I had SO much to get done that day that adding that in as well felt like an impossible task, which made me feel more anxious...but I did it! And do you know what, I'm so glad I did take the hour 1/2 out of my morning to log on to it.

I've felt like the last few months since that initial convo with dh I've had some real highs and lows, but I'm glad I stepped way out my comfort zone and called the doc and said "help". I've also spoken to a few select friends about it and I was shocked at how many of them have struggled with depression in the past or are currently on medication - so you honestly are not on your own. If you can pick up the courage give them a call in the morning, say you have been struggling with low mood and need to talk to someone. x

If you feel the need to talk to someone tonight rather than tomorrow you can also call Samaritans 24/7 on 116 123. x

How are you doing? @LeakyEyes