Nurse on Covid ward, depressed, coping mechanisms

[Nurse2]

Hi all,

I’ll try keep this as short as possible.
I’m a nurse on an inpatient medical ward, over the last 2 months things have gone from bad to worse on the ward. I’m crying on my way to shift and the way home, everytime I step foot into my car I’m a mess. I dread the thought of going into work and it frequently ruins my days off because of the worry.

I have a 2 year old son at home and I’m married. It’s now affecting my home life as I’m struggling to manage the upkeep of the house when I’m not at work, I’m just about managing to keep everything running for my son, although I no longer take him out for walks to the park.
I feel so low, and I don’t really know what to do. I’ve referred myself to italk but I don’t know how good they are. I’d like to avoid antidepressants if possible but I’m worried I’ll end up on long term sick due to stress, and then I start to worry that the ward is short staffed anyway and I’ll make things worse.

Anyone have any advice on how to cope?

I'm.really sorry to hear that. Its sounds incredibly hard and stressful you poor thing.

What are the things the are making you feel like this?

Stress, workload, fear, the responsibility? Try to break each element of the issue down so we can help

OP, you poor thing.
None of this is your fault, you are doing amazingly well given the circumstances. It does sound very much like you are not well. If your management are supportive talk to them, get in touch with your GP. There should be scope for you to self refer to occupational health also. Perhaps you need a couple of weeks off to take some time to heal a little, and feel like you are more on top of things at home. A couple of weeks now could stop it being a couple of months further down the line.
The NHS has been stripped to the bone, and Covid has made me sadder at work than I have ever been before. The denial of visiting is one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced.
You will feel better, you need some help to get there though, and it might not feel like it is possible just now.
You identified not taking your two year old to the park, perhaps setting this target for a couple of times a week might be a wee step forwards.

Stress from work makes me feel like this. I’m constantly tired from it. There is no extra support which makes things 10x harder.

I’ve spoken to several members of the management team on the ward and no one knows what to say because everyone is struggling. So they basically say ‘well we’re all in the same position, we just need to push through’ and ‘you need to try to learn not to take the stress home with you’.

I’d contact the GP but I don’t really know what they can do to help because I don’t want antidepressants. But at the same time I’m struggling to even clean up mess in the kitchen from dinner let alone do anything else. I’m just fed up.

Easier said than done not taking the stress from work home. You sound like a really kind caring nurse, I think everyone who cares is struggling with what is happening at the moment. That said it is now stopping you functioning at home, and perhaps you need to have a chat with your gp and see what they suggest.
With regards to coping mechanisms, mine is to ensure that I get outside regularly and try to get some exercise, little things like a takeaway coffee can help. It is so much harder doing a job that is stressful normally but much more so currently, but a lot of methods for relaxing destressing are not currently there.
Do you get any time without your 2 year old?

Honestly, given how bad this is affecting you, I’d call in sick with stress for a week at least. Go to the GP. They naught sign you off for longer. Insist on a referral to occupational health and a stress assessment. Although this should be offered. They should also offer a referral to a staff counselling service.
Yes everyone is stressed at the moment, but this is really affecting your life and health. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Unless there’s something you haven’t mentioned, you’ve worked through a pandemic and now your exhausted. Take some time off, you’ll be on full pay. But make sure you engage fully with your management and occupational health and GP. Be open and transparent and flexible. But do take some time off. Before your mind and body decide for you.

I am assuming you are NHS staff. Obviously if you are BANK or agency things will be different.

Thank you for all your hard work.

I resisted antidepressants for years ( two SEN kids and a school refuser). They dont have to be long term. It might be worth just looking into that as a option and what short term meds might help. You dont have to go ahead with them after research.

Sometimes I took Bachs remedies. I'm not sure it really helped, but I wanted it too help so it did. If you can try to say. Two drops on your tongue. Ten really deep breaths them go to the park it might form a positive association and make you feel able to go out. Fresh air and exercise will help. Sound trite but I'm sure you know this. It you can walk briskly on the way there, all the better.

Also no one at work matters more than you. So what if everyone is feeling and seems to be coping better ( they might not be, they might hide it). That doesnt help you. You are not them. You have single worth. If you feel like your going to snap then you have to go to the go and get signed off. Maybe just for a week. Or two.

What's worse? You end up hating work so you leave? How does that help your team? Or you get ill and start having panic attacks and need a few months off?

You know Covid isnt going anywhere right now. Can you cope like this for months to come?

What would you say if your child was saying this to you? What would your mum.say?

It's really hard to put yourself first, but everyone has their limit. There is zero shame in that. No one person matters more than you. It's not ok to cry every day and fear work. Stress can make you physically ill.

Seriously think about getting signed off. It's a bit like a spinning merry go round, your getting dizzy and feeling sick. That's your body saying you might faint. Get off and stand back for a while.

In your position I would book in with a GP and take several weeks away from work, and then see how you feel.

Use the time to recuperate, to rest and decompress - hopefully you'll be in a better position to think about what the problems are specifically.

Just to reassure you, I had been signed off for six weeks with similar, and had nothing but support from frazzled colleagues. The only person who has say on your health is you, and you need to be your own advocate, unfortunately there won't necessarily be a person to give you a tap on the shoulder and say you need to stop now - though I wish there were.

Thanks for all your support,
It’s such a worrying thought to get signed off work, and it’s not the first time someone’s asked me if I felt I should. Honestly I feel like it would benefit my mental health. I would however struggle financially as we rely on enhancements from me working weekends and night shifts.

I have an appointment with italk today, depending on the outcome I’ll potentially call the GP today as well. I will update you all with how the italk appointment goes.

Thought I’d update. Italk was okay, talked about coping mechanisms etc. However, after speaking to the person on the phone and discussing how much my life is currently being impacted at the moment. I made the decision to go off sick from work.

I’m not sure for how long, but I can’t manage the stress and since there is no support within the NHS I need to temporarily come out to keep myself healthy. Gutted but I think it’s the right decision. Thanks for your support this morning

It’s awful that there isn’t extra support within the NHS, @Nurse2. I hope you can benefit from your time off. How supportive is your DH? Is he working in a very different area and so is able to pick up some of what you’ve been struggling with?

Presuming you are NHS, if you are a permanent employee your enhancements will continue to be paid while you are off. Depending on your number of years service will depend on how long you are entitled to full pay.
I think you have made the right decision, and hopefully you start feeling better soon. Don’t feel guilty, by the sounds of things you are really struggling. Don’t underestimate the difference that you have made to date

Glad to hear that italk has helped you to see things more clearly. Take time to decompress and let your dh how badly you are affected right now. Let do know that you need to the time to decompress and process your thoughts, not just catch up on the housework.

I really hope you feel more relaxed after telling work. The pouring from a empty jug is so true. Will you keep on with the therapy? Sounds like it would help. I find just saying things out loud in CBT helped me. It's like musding things over but your forced to focus on it rather than "best not to dwell, just push it all aside and crack on"

How are you doing, @Nurse2?