Emotional numbness - Depression

[Ruminating2020]

Hi all,
I've been diagnosed with depression since September and have been feeling guilt and shame for weeks before the diagnosis.

Recently, I've been doing computerised CBT whichbi don't think is helping a great deal in terms of getting better.

I am at a point now where I just don't feel anything anymore. How long will this last? I don't know what to do. I love my family and want to get better for their sake but the relentless numbness is unbearable.

I feel guilty to complain about this as others are coping far better with lack of job, health uncertainties and loved ones being ill.

I don't really know what I want from posting this but just wanted to get it off my chest.

Thanks for reading.

CBT is overused by the NHS imo, it gets prescribed as a fix all approach for things that it isn't really suitable for and then the patient ends up feeling like they've somehow failed.

Could you afford to go private and do counselling or a different mode of therapy? I've found it really helpful. Medication can help lift the fog a bit too.

I'm sorry you're going through a hard time. It's bloody awful when you're in the pits of it. I am currently going through a depressive/OCD episode and it's SO hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel. But I am hanging on and trying to remain hopeful.

I echo was PP has said re private therapy. If you can. You can find good psychotherapists on bacp.co.uk - some are at the cheaper end of the scale around £40 per session.

If you can't do that then load up on some self help reads -

The happiness trap is good.
The mind workout is a personal favourite.
Bryony Gordon - Mad girl is a nice book to read to feel less alone.

Some more suggestions for you -

Listen to music you have good memories of.
Look through pictures of when you weren't feeling this bad.
Breath work - in for four, hold and out for eight. Do this for as long as possible and if your mind wanders off the breath, calmly bring it back.

If you haven't already, confide in at least one person who knows you and who you trust. Tell them how you're feeling. You aren't a burden and have people who love and want to support you.

Lastly, you're not alone. So many of us are feeling the same feelings you are right now. X

Hi,
Thanks for the reply. I am having counselling about a past issue that I am trying to come to terms with. I have not mentioned emotional numbness, the only feelings I had over the last few months are shame and guilt.

I am trying to avoid ADs if possible as I hear they can cause it.

One thing that absolutely helped me, is regular and strenuous exercise. It's the last thing you'll want to do, and it took me years to do, but it was one of the main things that dragged me closer to the surface. Also don't frame your illness in terms of 'real' problems, the insidious thing about depression is that it makes you feel awful just for feeling awful, especially if your life is otherwise going well.

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

CBT is overused by the NHS imo, it gets prescribed as a fix all approach for things that it isn't really suitable for and then the patient ends up feeling like they've somehow failed.

Could you afford to go private and do counselling or a different mode of therapy? I've found it really helpful. Medication can help lift the fog a bit too.

I agree. I have long term on and off anxiety and depression. I take citalopram and it's basically managed OK if I'm aware of my mh too. But cbt has never really helped me I've had it in various forms. The stuff that's helped most is counselling. Where you maybe use a bit of cbt in terms of challenging thoughts. But just being able to take have it reflected and get support towards forming conclusions was most helpful for me.

On anti depressants, I resisted for aages but whish I'd had them sooner. I haven't really experienced emotional numbness but my best friend did and felt a but bum on citalopram but good on e citalopram.

Thanks for your comments.

@Student133 I go running once a week and did it twice a week during lockdown.

Something that I'm struggling with and wonder whether my depression is some form of karma, is guilt and shame over a past event, which has come back in the form of flashbacks in the night. I had hoped that time would make it go away but it is the source of my ruminating and wondering if "what if I hadn't done xyz, then abc wouldn't have happened etc".

Nothing good comes from ruminating. I listened to an amazing podcast on the ocd stories about rumination, and how it is a compulsion. Obviously easier said than done, but the key to stopping it is just to stop doing it. When you find yourself going over and over the same thought, you notice it and stop it there and then. What is going to come from doing it? Nothing.

Well that's really good anyway, the endorphins you get will help keep suppressing it. It's always important to remember that a symptom of it, is the self hatred and falsehood, if you had cancer you wouldn't think it was karma. Obviously we dont know your circumstances, but if there wasnt a traumatic incident or ev8that triggered your depression, itmay be a good idea to consider medication, you may not even have side effects, and if theres even a chance it could make you better, it's always good to try. However bad the effects, they wont be as bad as the depression.