Please help me feel better

[chanandlerbonggg]

I am at rock bottom. I thought I was when I was in an abusive relationship (mental abuse, emotional, financial, physical, sexual) when I left with nothing, I thought things could only look up, but I am now truly at rock bottom.

After leaving, I had to use what little money I already had, plus credit to buy everything again for my house. I had to leave my job as it was too stressful having two under 3, house to run as well as trying to deal with the mental side of having left my ex and the grief of it all plus depression, anxiety and counselling was all just too much .. I attempted a part-time job, but was essentially paying to work, so I am unemployed for the first time since I was 16.

I have had to default on multiple accounts and loans, some of which I've held for many years.

I still have to see my ex at drop off's which provides a huge amount of anxiety and was still abusive for long after the relationship ended (only stop a few weeks ago).

A lot of friends seemed to have distanced themselves from me,

and the gent I was seeing (and falling for) after battling for so long with myself to simply not let my past relationship meddle with my present and future, and letting my guard down, has called things quits as he says he is not what I need.

I feel I am at my worst😞

Can someone, anyone please just offer some kind words to help me get through this. I would do all this again in a heartbeat if it meant getting away from violent ex, I just didn't realise quite how hard it would be to get through it all 😞

Oh OP... things WILL get better. I wish I had something useful to say but I’m sure someone who does will be along soon. Be kind to yourself. You’re doing your best. And a lot of doing your best is really just trial and error. You’ll get there.

Hope you're ok.
I'm in a similar situation as you. Just when I thought things couldn't get worse it does!
How are you coping?
I left my ex 18months ago and it's like I've just realised now how bad of a situation I am in. I have no idea what I'm going to do next. Covid and Christmas is not helping either. I'm literally living day to day and it is the worst I've ever been in my life.

Hi OP I hope you are feeling better. Things will get easier in time. Take it one day at a time.

Oh you poor thing 💐. Don't feel bad about not working. That's part of looking after yourself at the moment and is totally necessary. You need to find some activities that calm you down and do them often. Give yourself a break about non essential stuff when you're having a bad day. The world won't end if the house chores get left a few days more, for example. Have you spoken to your GP about how you're feeling? There might be something they can do, it's worth an ask. Take a walk every day, fresh air and exercise is good for everyone. Google for mental health helplines which you can call whenever you're having those end of the tether moments and need a listening ear or some practical advice.

See citizens advice bureau about getting the debt into some sort of manageable situation. Until the appointment happens, pay all of the creditors something even if its just £1/pcm, I think that means they can't hassle you so much, not sure. If you're getting endless calls from them switch off your phone to give yourself a break. Can You look for an interest free credit card to transfer some of the debt to to give you breathing space for 6mths? If you need to buy anything look for second hand bargains on Facebook selling pages. I've had some wonderful stuff through my local page.

It doesn't sound like you're in a good place to have a relationship at the moment, so try to see it as a good thing that your recent ex isn't taking advantage of you but trying to do the right thing by you both. It means you picked someone decent this time round which is a positive. I know it hurts right now. You'll find love again in the future when you're in a better place to enjoy it.

Your friends are probably struggling themselves with the covid situation, this year has been hard for everyone, don't take it personally if they feel unable to support you emotionally right now. Is there any practical support they can give? Would it help you if a friend took your children for a few hours playdate with their children once a week? Or if someone could call you up twice a week to chat about ordinary stuff such as what you've both been watching on TV, just to give you a break from thinking about more difficult things for half hour? Is anyone particularly good with money who could help you make a frugal meal plan for your weeks shopping? Sometimes people don't know what to say so they stay away until you feel better because they're worried about making things worse. But if you ask for specific help you might find some people willing and able to do this or that.

You'll get through this. Since you've left an abusive relationship have you contacted women's aid? They might have a group for people getting back on their feet after, or something like that which you could join? Explain your situation and see what they say. It's worth a phone call.