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How can I help my Partner? Do I need to call someone?

5 replies

IndiaMay · 28/11/2020 18:39

Like most people weve had a few blows this year personally and this week was a 3rd one. My Partner has always been a classically moody Victor Meldrew type that generally we laugh along at his grumpy old man-ness. Today he woke up in a foul mood. We went for a walk and the whole way round he was moody, snappy and grumpy. At me and about anyone we passed by. I snapped at him to snap out of it because it was unbearable. He then basically said he felt shit and he couldnt take this anymore (covid, restrictions, the most recent blow we have had and the ones before). He just wanted everything to be over. Obviously I was concerned at this point and reassuring that all this would come to an end and things would get better, we just had to hold ok a few more months.

When we got home at 3PM he took himself upstairs and lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. I asked him if he wanted anything and he didnt, so I went down stairs and watched a series I'm watching until 6pm. I popped upstairs every 30mins or so. Took him tea and biscuits, tried to chat to him, gave him a hug. He wouldn't engage in any conversation unless it was about how shit his life is and the world is. He didn't want the lights on after the sun set. He wont eat anything I offer or drink anything. Hes not eaten today.

At about 6pm I lay with him and gave him a hug and tempted him downstairs to the sofa. Now we are just sat here watching tv and tbh I dont know what to do. He is being so negative and down and I'm worried he'll hurt himself. And what's worse is, I dont know what to say as we are here, in our horrible states watching the TV like we have done every night for almost a year. Theres nothing to look forward to, and we dont do anything now so there is nothing to talk about but covid so we are sat in silence. I'm really worried about him.

OP posts:
Cherryup · 28/11/2020 18:50

My DH suffers from depression, at times when it's been really bad I have rung 111 for advice and also taken him to a&e.

When his mood is taking a dip, I will sit with him as you are and hold his hand. Sometimes I'll put a funny film on or ask him to play an Alexa game with me, anything to try and break through and get him to engage. Or go for a walk, even in the dark. He often doesn't want to do these things and I don't always manage to get him to.

He really needs to see his gp and get some help, when things were bad and I got to brunt of it I had to issue an ultimatum, you get help or leave until you do. Thankfully he sought help.

Wishing you well op, it can be a lonely desperate time for both of you.

IndiaMay · 28/11/2020 18:56

Thank you @Cherryup. I've put on our favourite program which is quite uplifting and easy watching so we are chatting a bit about that but I get grunts and one word answers. When we were upstairs I wondered about calling 111 and asked if he wanted to speak to someone there. He said he would never forgive me if I called 111 or took him to hospital. He was adamant he didnt want to see his GP but I might approach this again when we arent so in the thick of things.

OP posts:
AlicebytheSea · 28/11/2020 19:27

Its natural to want to help, but you cant force him to accept it. I've been in a position where I wasnt " allowed" to get help for someone who has serious mental health problems , hard as it was, I had to respect their choices.

IndiaMay · 28/11/2020 19:43

@AlicebytheSea yes, at the moment I don't think I will force anything

OP posts:
FredtheFerret · 28/11/2020 19:50

It's very difficult. I have a family member who suffers with depression. Does he want leaving alone, perhaps?

To be honest, I'm a real introvert and although not suffering from depression if I was feeling shit and low and just wanting to lie on the bed I'd hate someone 'popping in' every 30 minutes and offering me stuff. I know you want to help but he's pretty adamant he doesn't want to talk to anyone and is maybe desperately wishing you'd leave him alone.

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