Health anxiety about new baby

[Alice0901]

Hi all,

I’ve never started a thread and I’m not sure this will even be seen or if I’ve put it in the right place but here goes!

I recently had a baby in September, she’s 10 weeks old now and is the love of my life. I’ve suffered horrendously with anxiety and obsessive OCD since I was 15.
This hit its worst last year when I had a miscarriage and continued all through my pregnancy to the point I was hospitalised at one point because I just wasn’t coping.

Now my baby has been born I really thought things would improve but they’re not. I’m convinced all the time something is wrong with my baby girl. She has an issue with one of her eyes (diagnosed by an ophthalmologist) but even though her eyes have been checked I’m now convinced I can see something in her other eye that indicates cancer. I stare at her from different angles in different lights and convince myself that what I’ve seen matches up to a photo I’ve seen online of a child with retinoblastoma. The more logical side of me knows it isn’t really what it looks like and anyway the consultant has checked both of her eyes thoroughly but then the anxiety takes over and I’m an absolute wreck.

I’m under the perinatal mental health team who have recently switched my medication from sertraline to venlafaxine but I’m really at a low point at the minute and don’t know what to do. I’m gripped by fear and it’s taking over my life. I’m not able to just enjoy being a new mum, it’s completely ruining my experience.

I don’t think I’m really asking anything here other than to see if anyone else has been through the same thing and can give me hope that it gets easier.

Thank you for reading my waffle x

I can relate, I was constantly anxious when my children were babies and convinced every minor ailment was something serious that had been missed or misdiagnosed. It did get better.
How long have you been on the medication, it may not have kicked in properly yet,you may see a difference in your anxiety levels soon.

Thanks for the reply @AlicebytheSea
I had been on 150mg of sertraline from 14 weeks pregnant and my daughter is now 10 weeks old. I am 2 weeks into a switch over to 225mg of venlafaxine. I was told feeling like this can be normal when changing meds but I just feel so hopeless. I’ve not felt this bad for a long time.
Thanks for telling me it gets better, it doesn’t feel like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel at the moment

I also suffered crippling post natal anxiety and OCD after the birth of each of my babies. So much so that we have a 6 year age gap because I wasn't sure I could do it all again after the first time (no history of MH problems prior). Both times, though, it subsided completely once the DC reached 12-18m. Each time, I suddenly felt a weight lift off me, like I knew they were on the way to growing up somehow. In truth it was probably hormone changes, possibly due to stopping BF. It's good that you are under the care of the MH team. Do you have a good health visitor? The one I had with DS2 was a godsend, I'd have been in a very bad state without her.

I think it takes three or four weeks for those meds to kick in. Hang in there OP. It won’t be long now. Congrats on your lovely little bundle of joy.

Every time the anxiety starts mounting just keep telling yourself that she’s been thoroughly checked out by professionals and is fine.
That you recognise the thoughts and you give yourself permission to not think about that today.

Works for me to stop spiralling.

@Throughabushbackwards I understand that completely. My partner is 10 years older than me and we have discussed not waiting too much longer if we want another but I just don’t know if I could go through the pregnancy and postnatal period again so soon. My health visitor is absolutely awful unfortunately. Because of covid you have to leave a message and they are supposed to call back but never do! I just can’t get hold of them. Luckily I have an assigned PCN, psychiatrist and nursery nurse (helps with routine and things like baby massage) through the perinatal service so I am very lucky in that respect.

@Elieza thank you, she really is my pride and joy and when I look at her I can’t quite believe she’s mine! I think maybe because of the miscarriage and how difficult I found the pregnancy I somehow think it’s all too good to be true and something awful is going to happen to her.
Your advice is really helpful, I do try to tell myself she’s been looked at and not to give the thoughts too much focus. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I also struggle with generalised anxiety and OCD about things other than health so it feels at times I have about 10 different worries playing out alongside each other. It’s very overwhelming. I wish I wasn’t like this and could just enjoy my life!

It really helps to know others have felt the same and I’m not going insane by myself!

Shame about your HV op. Glad you have other support, though. Are you able to get out and about? I found it very hard to make myself go to the park or baby groups, but I was always glad I did once I finally got there.

Hi, I take Venlafaxine for anxiety too. I was switched to sertraline while pregnant and it didn't work nearly as well.

Hang in there for the medication to kick in, for me it has made a massive difference. It's a funny drug though and it made me feel quite odd for the first couple of weeks. I wasn't hungry, rarely felt tired and struggled to concentrate. It settled after about 3 weeks though I think and I felt so much calmer, and able to think rationally!

OP have you ever considered writing the stuff you worry about down? I don’t know if this is helpful advice or not but I do. Like a to-do list that has stuff on it like phone plumber or whatever as well as worries, like what happens if the car repairs cost over £400, etc!

I’m frightened I will forget something important that I should have remembered so my brain starts to get all panicky and it keeps the worry in the front and I’m thinking about it all the time.

I’ve found by writing things down it helps.
I write it down.
Acknowledge the fear.
Prioritise - and if it’s not something I need to worry about today I give myself permission to put it down the list to deal with later. Which I do another day. If it’s urgent I do it. And score off.

Sometimes when I go back and look at the list some of the worries look silly so I don’t even action and simply score them off.
Others have resolved.
Others need dealt with, like the electricity or the car mot that is otherwise be spiralling about, and that’s ok as I’ve prioritised them and gone back to them regularly to make sure I don’t forget.

It helps me remember, prioritise and keep my brain free for more pressing matters!

I don’t know if it’s a good or bad strategy but it could be worth trying.

I get a sense of relief once it’s written down and my brain feels calmer. Like when I tidy my room I feel calm. Silly and I don’t know why it works but it does. (Not suggesting you run around tidying by the way, I don’t have a small baby to deal with and tidying is way down the priority list for you)!!

You will feel better soon.