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How do I go on?

11 replies

NotEver0 · 27/11/2020 18:03

Lockdown has made me so unbelievably depressed.
I have an Autistic son at home who has barely been to school this year.He has severe Autism and severe learning disabilities.He is a fulltime job,and has really challenging dangerous behaviours.Since lockdown, his sleep has got worst,barely a few hours at a time,then up all day,its relentless.He scratches me raw and bites me and nothing deters him or distracts him
I've spent a small fortune on autistic sensory supports games trampoline lighting,nothing is of interest to him.His respite care is now bare minimum(2hours a week.).Hes been back to school but three times has been told to self isolate for two weeks at a time due to others in his class testing positive.he wont sit sleep play,he just follows me pulls me this way and that way and hurts my skin when I dont understand him.He has no language skills.Its not his fault obviously,its just it's so hard to be his mum,so hard not to resent him and wish he hadn't been born.id never say this out loud,I just needed to say it somewhere. Hes well looked after,shown lots of affection and my attention is all his. Sometimes it's hard to accept that this is my life for the foreseeable future until hes an adult and without doubt will end up in some assisted living.
I look at my friends and they complain of being bored,missing social lives ,I wish I was like them,the sad thing is they will eventually get their lives back, mine wont change much.
I feel like life is suffocating me,willing me to end it all.Its been so long since I was happy,so long since I smiled.
Not looking for anything by posting here,just wanted to get it out of my head by writing it down.

OP posts:
ValidUser · 27/11/2020 18:06

I don't have any advice for you, but just wanted to empathise. That sounds so, so hard and exhausting.

Bobblehatwobble · 27/11/2020 18:14

No advice either, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to read and run. You have every right to how you are feeling.
Thinking of you 💐

FionaMumsnet · 27/11/2020 18:41

Hi OP,

We're so sorry things are so tough for you. We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly. Flowers

MrsNWT · 27/11/2020 23:14

Oh OP, so sorry to hear this. That sounds so difficult and you must have unbelievable strength. Have you got any RL support?

Alternista · 27/11/2020 23:18

You poor thing.
Do you have any friends/family/a partner you can tell how desperate you’re feeling?

NotEver0 · 27/11/2020 23:20

@FionaMumsnet wish you hadn't moved my thread to mental health,I posted on a forum with more traffic to receive support as mental health and SN boards dont get much activity.since you moved it I've had one response on a day I could have used the benefits of differing views and experiences.i really think you should leave posts alone.

OP posts:
justgeton · 27/11/2020 23:36

Hi

What can I say. There but for the grace of god and all that. Oh how I feel for you. So so hard.

Do you have a social worker? You really need respite, but I'm afraid covid may have scuppered this.

I can offer no more than virtual hugs

GLTM · 28/11/2020 02:32

So sorry to hear what a struggle you're having and how you feel so trapped. It sounds very hard. I don't have any experience and so whilst I will try to help I apologize if my suggestions are useless.

Could there be any other alternatives? Is there an autism charity that can advise? Could your son go into assisted living sooner? Is your place big enough and could you fund an au pair? Or offer a student etc free rent if they help with your son? I assume autism might make it hard for your son though. Or could you crowdfund to get funds for a years support initially?
2 hours a week isn't much of a break from the physical and emotional pain you suffer. I imagine you're not the only carer of an autistic child feeling so desperate. Well done on getting through so much of lock down and reaching out for help. Hugs to you.

TenShortStories · 28/11/2020 02:46

Oh you poor thing, that sounds so hard. I think it's understandable to say that you wish he'd never been born as its all weighing down on you day in day out. You are really doing a wonderful job of loving him though - that really authentic love that is full of sacrifice and helping someone who needs you whether you feel like it or not, not the kind of love that is all about warm fuzzy feelings. You sound amazing, just worn to the bone. Hang in there.

What does a typical day at home look like with him (if a typical day exists)?

I don't know if it would be suitable for him, but a lot of parents look in to melatonin when their children have sleep difficulties - maybe worth chatting to his GP about?

LegoPandemic · 28/11/2020 02:49

I’m sorry, this sounds absolutely horrendous. Does his Dad help? How old is he? Could you look at a boarding school for children with his needs?

Alternista · 30/11/2020 13:05

How are you doing now, OP?

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