feel like the world hates me :(

[pinkroses]

Just feeling crap today. I have no friends and haven't done for a while now. Tried mums groups, but I lack self confidence so struggled to chat to people.....so I tried meeting friends through the net.

I met one woman who sounded like she was in the smae situation as me and I met her a couple of times, but it turned out that she was a lot more confident thatn me and didn't understand my nerves on going out to meet others. So she stopped chatting to me. This made me feel like crap really as I so wanted to have a friend....she was just rushing me too fast.

Then another person came along on the net...from where I live and said about meeting up, etc. I am always cautious, but she seemed persistant so i sent her an email. She sent one back nice and pleasant.....but nothing since. She is also away meeting other people and i feel left ot again.

I just feel like the world hates me....I seem to come across people who are horrid to me all the time, and want to treat me like dirt.

What a life. I am so lonely.

How are people horrid to you?
I'm going thru a phase where it's really hard to make friends (we just moved to a new town). I don't have time to chitchat because of the kids, or I just don't want to make smallchat because I really need to be doing something else, and even if I did I don't have the patience to stand around & chat, I'm nervous about being rejected too coz I know I'm an oddball... but at least I don't have any problems of being treated horrid.

And don't take it personal if I don't reply again... but (KIDS AGAIN) I have to go to bed to get my sleep since baby has been down for nearly 2 hours now.

Pinkroses, sorry you are feeling so low. Sorry, I don't have much time to chat right now, but will post later, and hopefully if you are still on will be able to chat to you. xx

Hi there - sorry to hear you feel so low. I am quite confident but also know how hard it is to get "in" at mum's groups. I tend to go anyway and sometimes I chat to people other times not. It used to upset me but I know I'm going for my DS so that's the main thing. I try to always smile at people, after all that other person could be as lonely as you. Am I rambling? Hope not, just trying to help you see that most of us are in the same boat. I think MN is great in that you can be anonymous, chat away happily and perhaps be more confident that you would be normally.

I'm another one who feels similar to you. Since being a SAHM i've found it hard and quite lonely at times but have forced myself to got to groups. I've actually found I quite enjoy them and luckily no one has been really horrid. Some people don't strike up conversations but if you do as KBear says and think that you are going for your childs sake, then it doesn't matter so much if you don't get to talk to many people. Eventually you will start to enjoy things. I am so sorry you feel this way but sometimes I too feel that every one else has loads of friends, active social life and that I'm the odd one out. It's not true, most of us are in the same boat.good luck xxxx

Hi pinkroses, sorry you are feeling down. Have you changed your nickname or are you a new Mumsnetter?

Hi Pinkrosies. The only person who knows you are shy is you and you can pretend you are not, speak to a few people and see how you get on. Even confident people don't always get the reaction they want but because the aren't shy anyway it doesn't knock their confidence. Does this make sense?
Take some Rescue Remedy and go to a group!! Try it!!

Pinkroses, people love to talk about themselves - please give the mums' groups another go, take a deep breath and (for example) make a comment about another child's clothes: "that's a lovely dress/dungarees/pair of shoes, I've been looking for something like that for my dd/ds, where did you get it".

Ask open-ended questions, where they can't just give you a yes/no answer. You will probably find they will do most of the talking and be really pleased that you took an interest in them, and think you are a nice, friendly person (which you are).

I know to an extent how you feel pinkroses and I really feel for you. It's hard not to see others as horrid when they behave with such unfeelings (needing a better word but it's late). Just wanted to say hope you feel better soon.

You are not alone in it being difficult.

Pinkroses, I can understand how you feel, especially at places like pre-schools or the school gates where people always seem to have little groups that can be impossible to break in to. i dont know how old your children are but have you tried inviting achilds pre-school or school friend round?This is a good way to get to know mums. If you have a baby you could try baby swimming classes things like that which are less formal, so you dont have to have a full on conversation with people.Pre-school committees are also a good way of getting to know people. Keep persisting with the mums groups, the advice you have been given about striking up a conversation with people is excellent. dont forget that if other mums dont contact you when you expect them to, it doesnt mean they dont like you, it probably means that their plans went out the window!!!As a mumof four I have given up making arrangements that I quite often cant stick to, as My 13 week old baby has a habit of rearanging my plans in her own little way!!!!Lastly though, start liking YOURSELF as it really doesnt sound as if you do at the moment.

i see parents chatting in supermarkets and want to talk to them. I have spoken to people who come up to me and my kids and try striking up a conversation.....but i seem to get an attitude of 'your too young to have kids'. I'm not young, but I do look it. I am just very insecure.

Hi again. You really seem to be suffering from very low self-esteem, and I think some people find that hard to cope with, especially those who have never suffered from the kind of anxieties that you are having to deal with as they cannot relate to it. The world certainly does not hate you - negative feelings like that are a classic sign of depression. Do you think it is possible that this could also be a problem, and perhaps you need to chat to your doctor? I really think that until you improve your self-esteem it will be hard for you to have the confidence to get out there and make friends. I think you need to tackle the social anxiety first and improve your confidence. There is a good leaflet on this board which may have some helpful tips. Also, could you take up some sort of hobby which you enjoy, perhaps join a group, that would involve meeting others? It's much easier to make friends with people that have the same interests as you. Or how about doing a recreational college course - another very good way of getting to know people. There are often creches provided at colleges. I think college courses are great as usually there are new people starting, who will also be a bit nervous and would be grateful if you started chatting and getting to know them. If you do take up a hobby or course, it is bound to increase your self-confidence and you will find that not everyone you meet i horrible. You just seem to have met the wrong sort up to now. I know this rambles a bit, but I hope you can find something of use. Also, keep posting as it helps to talk about how you are feeling, and there are plenty of kind souls who will be more than willing to listen and offer advice. xxx

Pinkroses, I only wish people would think I look too young to have kids!!! however 13 years ago, iwas a mum at 18 .I think you are reading too much into what people are thinking, they are more likely thinking" what lovely children" Have you tried a self confidence course? It would probably work wonders and you would make new friends who would all be in the same possition as you. keep posting{{{ hugs}}}

hello Pinkroses, you are forgetting one thing and that is that you are great!!!!!! I am young and have four children four and under and people often give me funny looks, but Iknow I am a great muma and give my children all the love and time they need< ican't do any more than that. Similarly my children have just started school and I don't feel I get on that well with the other mums, but why should I?? After all, all we have in common is that our kids are in the same class and really that is no real basis for friendship. There are other ways of meeting people and perhaps you shouldn't look to your children as a way of doing this. Most importantly sod them, you meet people in the most unexpectant ways, you know you are not a horrible person so don't worry, no point in trying to be something you are not.
Much Love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi pinkroses. Sorry to hear you feeling so low. I'm new to the site, and instantly gravitated to this topic because I have felt the same way. As annoying as this may sound, things will improve...but as Miam suggested, there may be bigger issues at hand. Its hard to see clearly when you are really depressed or if you are experiencing social anxiety.

I still struggle with the thought(when I go to mom & tot groups) that everyone seems to be long-time friends or super witty/smart/funny....whatever. I just try to take it one day at a time, and to not have too many expectations. I most definitely am speaking from experience.
The world does not hate you...most likely everyone is just busy with there own thoughts, insecurities, families, problems, jobs etc... Sometimes finding new friends is a bit more work now then when we were all much younger and free. I've tried jodees' advice in the past and it works really well. Hope to hear from you soon.

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Know how you feel PR!! but as you get to know people you realise that they feel the same way-some are just better actors!! and there's always MN!!!