Unsupportive DH

[mynameismrsright]

I'm currently having group CBT to treat my OCD (pure O). It's on Zoom and not working yet.

I have a very low mood and feeling anxious and depressed, and struggling with daily life. I can see it has an impact on my habits and appearance. DH doesn't want to understand all of it.

He says he cannot understand why I'm so anxious and depressed, I cannot even tell him about the CBT, he refuses to listen.

He just calls me lazy and says I do nothin all day, I have no reason to be depressed. I don't know who I can talk to. Can't even get anything prescribed, need to finish the course first.

Sorry to hear you're going through this. It is hard supporting a spouse through mental illness, but he took his marriage vows - in sickness and in health. I hope he steps up, a good spouse should listen to you and encourage you in this. I'm glad you're doing cbt, that's great. You focus on working on your health, one step at a time.

He had severe depression before he met me and it went on for quite a while. That makes me feel like he's a hypocrite, he knows what bad mental health is like.

He also has a thing for never listening to me, if I suggest something, or give an opinion he will ignore it completely but listen to anyone elsewho tells him the same, even strangers. It's like he refuses to treat me as an adult.

Even if you've been through it yourself, it can be incredibly difficult to support someone who's depressed. I've been on both sides so I do sympathise with him to an extent.

I'm not sure why you can't get any medication though? Have you spoken to your GP about your low mood and anxiety? In my experience GP's are always more than happy to prescribe something if you feel it will help you.

Have you spoken to DH about all of this? What does he say?

I have been referred to a talking therapy on Zoom, but will ask the GP again.

If I start saying something he will tell me I have no reason to be depressed and to stop it.

Oh wow. As if mental health needs a pre-approved reason. I'm not sure what to say about your husband, he needs to be more understanding. I don't know if you can write some thoughts down, explain how hurtful and unhelpful his behaviour has been?

Are you working, is he working, what's a general day like for you that he's calling you lazy?

We both work from home, one DC is at nursery one is with us (mostly me). DC are 1 and 3

I really think you need to get an appointment with your GP and speak to them about medication.

It sounds like your overall mood is very low and your DH is quite possibly struggling with that. Although medication may not address the underlying reasons for your depression and anxiety, it can make things much easier to deal with

He also has a thing for never listening to me, if I suggest something, or give an opinion he will ignore it completely but listen to anyone elsewho tells him the same, even strangers.

My first DH was like this. Interestingly, I was prescribed antidepressants when I got engaged to him, and stopped taking them when we split up. He was definitely 100% the reason why I got depressed. 100%. When we split up it was like being released from a weird, paranoid, miserable prison.

Did your OCD start when you met your DH?

@MacbookHo Ibhad traits but not as bad as now.

It's quite severe at the moment. Part of it is the feeling that if I hadn't met him I'd be doing nothing, when I asked him once he said I'd still be in my country, in a low paid job doing nothing.

If I mention getting a job outside of home (I work for him), or volunteering he just said not to bother I'd be paid peanuts, and that people envy our life, so why ruining it.

My husband was also totally unsupportive. He left and actually I feel so much better now.
You cannot get well if someone in the background is nit picking constantly.

I found the first years hard with him, when we met I had just arrived to the country, was hopeful and optimistic, but over the years I have turned slowly into a fearful person who has zero confidence and cannot do half of what she used to do.

He's not happy about me working somewhere else or finding another career, so I have slowly changed and adapted. I feel like a completely different human being. I think he's right when he says thag without him I'd be doing nothing meaningful and my life would be miserable.
OTOH I love my DC and being a mum.