Strange kind of depression

[MammothMashup]

I felt increasingly suffocated in the first lockdown, especially when my husband went back to work and I carried on trying to work from home (part time thank god) with a primary age child and toddler.

I've just had bit kids off again for 3 weeks, overlapping.

The first two weeks my husband could share the days. This week my eldest was back but my youngest was here. I had to go in on a non work day to organise what I could. Then try to juggle small bits with him.

I feel completely suffocated. It's not helped by as a result of all this, not being involved in some decision making that directly affects me at work.

I can only describe it as a type of postnatal depression.

I also feel paralysed. In the day with the kids.

I think it's because I can't effectively focus on work and the children and the house.

Toddler almost didn't nap to day and I was trying to hold back tears. I needed to mentally cut off from him for an hour.

He's utterly gorgeous. It's nothing to do with how I feel about them. If anything, I've cherished the extra time. But the lack of self agency is stifling.