What is wrong with me?

[chocolate26]

I had my DD 5 months ago, she's my first baby and I am besotted with her and loving being her mum.

I have had severe mental health issues all my life, especially anxiety and OCD. I have had CBT numerous of times and been on anti depressants.

Since she was born I have been riddled with the worst anxiety I have ever experienced, I am terrified of dying or being hospitalised and leaving my DD behind. I think I have convinced myself I am dying to the point I have physical symptoms, I am dizzy a lot, some times more than others, I have lots of gastrointestinal problems, I feel sick, I am exhausted. I am constantly worrying about how I'm feeling and when it's going to get worse.

I have had a full blood count blood test and ECG and everything was fine. I have spoken to my doctors about 5 times but they don't seem to say much. I have been prescribed sertraline but I'm terrified to take it because of the side affects. I feel like everyday with my DD is going to be my last 🙁

I don't know what to do, I can't feel like this forever! It's getting me so down. I could do with hearing other people's experiences so I don't feel so alone 😊 thank you.

I have also convinced myself I have stomach cancer because of my gastrointestinal problems even though I had a endoscopy 2 years ago and my doctor has said she's never heard of someone my age (27) with stomach cancer.

Take the medication, it'll help.

@chocolate26 please take the sertraline. My best friend had bad post-natal anxiety, and it made all the difference. The potential side-effects can’t possibly be as bad as what you’re currently going through. Anxiety is a dick, it tries to convince you that something that could diminish its hold on you is too dangerous to take.

@Sunbird24 thank you, I have never thought of it like that in a way that it's my anxiety stopping me taking the sertraline! I have sat holding the box of them many times but haven't been brave enough to start them. Does this sound like postnatal anxiety? I have considered I might have that.

It could be, but tbh the exact label isn’t really that important. Just try the medication, the doctor’s given it to you because they believe it will help, and they’re pretty well-trained aren’t they?

I’ve been on antidepressants for a year, currently waiting to miscarry after a scan last week showed my pregnancy had failed very early. Without them I believe I’d be on my knees right now, but I feel strong enough to cope, and even hopeful that the next attempt will be the one that sticks.
You’re obviously really strong already if you’re managing to get out of bed and be a mum while feeling the way you do! You will beat this and feel better, no doubts.

Well the Dr has said something, which is to take your medication. It’s the equivalent of someone saying they’re in agonising physical pain but refusing to take any analgesia. Take them for your DD if you won’t do it for yourself

Sounds like PNA to me. I had to start sertraline when my youngest was a similar age to yours.

@chocolate26 just checking in to see how you’re feeling today?