depression or just life?

[moodindigo]

please don't bite my head off for the title, I don't mean at all to minimise what people go through but I am bewildered at myself at the moment.

I really don't know whether this is just life being tough, or something in me making it tough, but I'm tired all the time and achy, like with a flu, but there is nothing medically wrong. I can't concentrate at work and am half doing 24 jobs rather than sit and focus on one which is not me at all. I have a very stressful job, this doesn't help. I have all the lists and organisation you could want but almost to the point of doing a list of things to do rather than doing them

I've had 2 mcs this year and live away from friends and family so feel pretty isolated, but tbh we've always been hundreds of miles from family, its just now its a whole other timezone. DH is setting up a business so when I get home he starts work and I take over with DS, and then once he's asleep start trying to catch up on work again.

I'm in some form of rut and I cannot see the way out other than stupidly drastic steps like a change of job, which honestly I don't want.

Is this a depression thing or just life? Either way what do I do? I cannot go on like this.

Wow yu do sound down, with good reason. Can you break things down in to smaller bits? Like, when the business is up and running it'll be better? When DS is at school it'll be easier? At the weekend I'll catch up with housework? By the weekend I'll have a) taken better care of myself b) had a long, hot,candlelit bath c)thrown the lists away - they are streesing you by being there.
Sending you support

No you're quite right. You can't go on like that. It sounds like you've run yourself ragged and on top of feeling isolated haven't been spending any time on yourself after your two mcs.

Is there any reason why you do more work once DS is in bed? Perhaps you could use this time to catch up on some sleep yourself, or run a bath and read a book?

I know how you feel, I've been in a similar situation of late and have just started to feel like I'm coming out the other side of it. I have had to make some changes to my life to make myself feel better though and some have been quite drastic.

I just have so much to do - I run a business in a very difficult market and have no deputy for another 6 weeks (its been hell recruiting). If I don't work at night then it seems to get worse but then again if I could just focus during the day I might be on top of things. DH wants my help with his business, just someone to talk to, and then that gets me worrying and... AGH.

I cannot see how to break this cycle, I don't even know if I'm just being self-indulgent and should just give self a hard slap. I always cope, thats what I do. Why can't I now?

(apologies for namechanging on this - am a regular but can't face being my virtual self and admitting this. which is really wierd).

Break it down, break it down, break it down, - you are being all things to everyone! Don't know what else to say, except it will get better!

So the vicious circle seems to be that you are too tired to concentrate during the day and then do work at night, with the help of lots of caffeine???

So what you need to do is not work at night. You can't do it all. You are only one person. Give it 3 days of doing whatever it is you want to do in the evening (not work.) Have a sleep or read a book or just veg and watch tv. You're sure to feel the difference in both your daytime work and how you feel about being stuck in a rut.

I run my own small business and could regularly be seen tapping away on my PC until the early hours each morning. I got tonsilitis and realise that I couldn't do it all. Now I only work one evening a week and do the rest during the day.

there's just too much to do and too many deadlines to meet at work, and my clients nor my boss will be understanding if we miss them. there's nothing I can let go right now.

I have got to get a grip, thats all there is too it.

I know you're getting a grip and at breaking point, and there's nothing I can helpfully do (is there?) but please don't crack under it. Lots of useless help here. Honestly I am sitting here, bored, with nothing to do, except flick through MN and I wish i could help. (I am waiting for the plasterer to come and re-do the extrior wall, so I can't even get on with anything in case he comes).

Doesn't matter which really...if you feel you're not yourself then it's well worth doing something positive about your situation...anyone you can talk to regularly?

I talk to DH but I don't think he gets the problem, but no am not good at sharing and as I say most of my mates are a timezone away. ugh. right am going to tidy my office and see if that helps.

thanks

moodindigo - FWIW you don't sound like you are depressed, but very very stressed, and to be fair i think its semantics. You feel like shit, and it is really difficult to deal with . I certainly don't think you calling it depression is belittling depression. I suffer from PND and anxiety and i do recognise some of my problems in what you are saying here though.

I really admire you, doing all that - wow its all i can do to look after DD and keep the house fit for human inhabitation (cos thats about hte level).

The thing is, when does being stressed go from being stressed to depression? I think it is a very fine line. I do however think you have caught yours in time, i hope so. Try this link, bugger, can't find it , google moodgym, it is like an online CBT thing, ive not had time to do it, but it is apparently very good and recommended by my doctor. You probably dont have time either, but there is a short questionaire which may give you better indication yourself whether you have a problem that needs intervention or not. I found it a real eye opener.

hi moonindigo - got time for a chat today? Bloody plasterer didn't turn up yesterday! All day wasted.