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Mental health

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Original poster

Need someone to talk to, please help.

19 replies

warmsummersday · 18/10/2007 08:44

Hi. I feel really lonely. OH works away all week, has done since january and the past few weeks I have hated it and feel lonely and my brain is on over drive thinking about things he could possibly be up to. I trust him and don't think he would do anything but I can't stop these thoughts. He is a very difficult person to talk to so I don't normally tell him how I feel, or if I do he just says im being silly.

I am on citalapram and have been for about 6 months, I know the doc will ask me to come off them soon but im not sure if they are not working anymore because I feel down alot of the time.

I really need to get these thoughts out of my head because it's just eating me up but I don't know how I can. Someone please help me, I don't really have anyone else to talk to.

OP posts:

TheMadScaryHouse · 18/10/2007 08:55

Hi there

If you still feel down then you need to go back to your GP and discuss your medication. 6 months is not a magic number and then everyting will be OK.

We are all here if you need somebody to chat to, I can not help with OH being away, as I have no experiance of it, but I am sure someone will come along who has.

I have to take DS1 to nursery but will be back later

Santasmissyontheside · 18/10/2007 09:01

Oh dear. Have not got any advice with regards to medication but just wanted you to know i would be same if it were my dh. I'm quite jealous person so i'd be telling myself all sorts. Do any of your friends or mum know how down you are?

puppydavies · 18/10/2007 09:17

i don't think yr doc will want you to come off the meds until you're feeling better. if it feels as though they're not working any more you may need to increase your dose or change to something else. was oh working away the start of your depressed feelings or did it just make them worse? did the meds help your mood initially? have you been able to work out what's making you down or things you can do that help you feel better?

sorry so many questions keep talking to us.

Original poster

warmsummersday · 18/10/2007 09:27

I have always been an up and down person but having DD2 set it off worse. Me and OH have had alot of problems in the past. He is a difficult person to get along with and I feel I tread on egg shells all the time. I told a couple of my friends when things were bad but OH got angry and told me not to talk about our problems to other people so now I try not to talk. I will say when im feeling down though. I can't really put my finger on the reason why I feel down.

OP posts:

Original poster

warmsummersday · 18/10/2007 09:28

Oh and when I started talking them I did feel alot different.

OP posts:

cheeset · 18/10/2007 09:34

Sounds as though you feel lonely on the whole.
Lonely on your own
lonely in the relationship/he's difficult to talk to
lonely as you cannot speak to others about how you feel

What dose of citalapram are you on?

I'm on 10mg of citalapram and I don't think they are working, I may go back to the dr and ask if I can increase the dose.

Do you think you'd feel better in general if you increased the dose?

Original poster

warmsummersday · 18/10/2007 09:37

Not sure about increasing the dose. Im on 20mg.

Yes I think your right, lonely in everything! We have 2 small children aswell and I just feel like its all on me all the time.

OP posts:

puppydavies · 18/10/2007 09:44

just a thought on where the 6 months figure may have come from - i always expect to stay on meds for 6 months after i feel well again. it can take a lot longer than 6 months to reach that point for me, even on the right meds/dose.

i think i would feel down too if my partner wouldn't talk to me and wouldn't let me talk to others about how i felt. please excuse me being blunt but he has no right to tell you what you can and can't talk about with your friends. particularly if he's not around to support you and doesn't want to give you that support when he is there.

it sounds as though he wouldn't be happy about going to (couples) counselling either. do you think he'd try to stop you seeing a counsellor on your own?

puppydavies · 18/10/2007 09:46

aside from talking about things, are there practical things your friends/family can do to give you some support and maybe a chance to have a break from the kids every now and then?

sKerryMum · 18/10/2007 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

puppydavies · 18/10/2007 09:48

you're effectively a single parent at the moment, practically and emotionally. that must be so tough and the fact that you're managing it at all shows me you're a much stronger person than i am. i admire you. you are doing a very difficult job, and i imagine on the whole you're doing it well. don't forget that.

cheeset · 18/10/2007 09:51

My DH works all hours, might as well work away as he comes home late and is knackered and exhausted.He has a really stressful job and has a lot of responsibility on his shoulders but I always feel as though I have more stress looking after the kids?

Its a different job staying home and looking after the kids.

My ds is 10 now and is having problems dealing with friends/relationships at school-nothing serious but you help them sort things out and then you feel drained as you worry about them.

Then the dd who's 5, dealing with the same and having to socialise with the mums, the play days, it drains me.

I would say i'm a pretty resilliant person but being at home is lonely isn't it?

Sometimes I think it's easier to be a work.

sasquatch · 18/10/2007 09:52

Can you ask your gp to offer you some counselling? as well as remain on the ad's, it sounds as though you really need someone to talk to.
I feel for you summer, it is really hard being on your own and feeling isolated.

TigerFeetInLovelyNewShoes · 18/10/2007 09:54

6 months on citalopram isn't all that long, I've been on them for 3 years!

Do you have any adult company while your dh is away?

How old are your children?

JackOLANTERNstini · 18/10/2007 10:00

How old are dcs Summer? Is there anything you could go to nearby for a change of scenery - toddler groups, library story time, soft play areas? Thinking of you - it must be really hard.
Don't even think of coming off the meds while you are feeling like this but it might be worth checking if the dose is right or there is another med you could try? Agree with Sasquatch would be good to get some counselling - it's not for everyone but you do sound like you need someone completely neautral and unbiased to talk to & that is very hard with friends or family. It can really work - my sister felt better after the first hour & was a changed person after 10 sessions

Original poster

warmsummersday · 18/10/2007 11:03

Hi, thanks everyone. I only thought about coming off them as doc said after about 6 months.

I have loads of freinds and family around me but sometimes I can't be bothered to socialise! DD is nearly 5 and just started school, got talking to a few mums but to be honest sometimes I can't be bothered. DD2 is 1.

I do want time on my own at weekends but then I feel we should all be together as a family but he often goes off and does what he pleases.

Not sure about the counselling, I don't think I would know where to start!

Thanks everyone. I have to go out later but will be back on tonight.

OP posts:

puppydavies · 18/10/2007 12:20

i understand about not feeling up to socialising. it helps in the long term to have people around to talk to but when i'm low i find it completely drains me and can make me feel much worse in the short term.

your gp can refer you for counselling. they often favour cbt (cognitive behavioural therapy), which helps you to analyse and change negative thought patterns. if you'll forgive me it sounds (from what you've written here) as though you might benefit more from relationship counselling as the problems you have with your oh seem to be the root of your unhappiness and personally i don't think that your reaction to those difficulties is out of proportion.

you can have relationship counselling on your own with relate, although i'm not sure you can get referred by your gp, so i guess you'd have to pay. they have a website.

TigerFeetInLovelyNewShoes · 18/10/2007 12:34

I understand what you say about not being bothered to socialise, it can be really hard to gather yourself together and make the effort, especially if you're feeling low.

I do have to ask though, how come your OH gets to go off and do what he wants at the weekend? It seems to me that you need to do that too. He needs to understand that looking after two young children by yourself all week is damned hard work and that you also need a break.

Counselling, whether by yourself or relationship counselling with your oh may well help you find the strength to do that.

Not that I'm one to give out this sort of advice really, as I don't heed it myself . I really do understand how difficult it can be.

mylolalovingitxx · 10/01/2008 14:39

warmsummersday your not far from me i dont drive but your more than welcome to come and meet me we can do lunch if u fancy it

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