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Mental health

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Original poster

It's DS's first birthday in a few days and I find myself...

23 replies

Bewilderbeast · 17/10/2007 23:01

feeling increasingly weepy. I have done for the past two or three weeks. There is other sh*t going on but I've posted about that before and it really has very little to do with this. It's not because he's getting older or he's not my baby anymore but more becaues I feel like I'm re-living the stress and awfulness of this time last year. I constantly seem to be remembering things about DS's birth and the days either side of it. In full living bloody technicolour, flash back style. I cry at the slightest thing (writing this for a start or driving to work and hearing a song on the radio). I was talking to some other mum's last night about birth stories and I know DS's start in life wasn't the worst but it was pretty bad and whilst I buckled down and dealt with it at the time I really don't feel like I'm dealing with it now.
Just needed to get that down, no-one in real life really understands and I can't talk about it without lubbering like and idiot anyway.

OP posts:

nappyaddict · 17/10/2007 23:03

can you tell us a little bit about the birth of your ds?

Original poster

Bewilderbeast · 17/10/2007 23:15

emergency cs at 34 weeks. DS suspected dying or severely brain damaged, he had bled out into my blood stream and had very scarily low haemoglobin levels. Birth was supposed to give us a chance to say goodbye. All pretty horrific. 16 days in SCBU. Is now totally fine but now I can be driving along and a vision of him being resuccitated or held up in the air by the paed totally grey and lifeless and they ran him naked out of the room down to SCBU can just decend on me at work or when I'm driving. It's freaky I actually feel like I'm back there. I should really be over all this by now, thought I was. Bloody memories

OP posts:

Original poster

Bewilderbeast · 18/10/2007 19:56

It's pathetic to bump my own thread but I've had a shit day and I really am not coping. So I'm bumping it ner ner ner ner ner

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 18/10/2007 20:23

No wonder you feel the way you do, that is such a traumatic and awful birth that you describe.

It's amazing that you coped as well as you did and you deserve huge huge respect for getting on with things the way you have.

FWIW I have heard before of people experiencing great difficulty around the time of their child's first birthday when they had a traumatic time; it's not at all unusual.

You do have some awful memories and it's not surprising that your mind needs help to deal with them particularly at this time.

it's not too late to talk the birth through with someone; did you go through your notes with a midwife? Also, in view of your trauma you may be eligible for NHS counselling; if you're not comfortable with that you may be able to talk to someone in the NCT or there's the birth trauma website.

I had a traumatic time and I can really vouch for the usefulness of talking it through; even if you've done in after the birth, give it another go now.

Good luck.

bozza · 18/10/2007 20:35

People who have been bereaved often say the first anniversaries are a hard time. And although you were "lucky"* in that you weren't bereaved you didn't know that at the time, so you are going through a lot of first anniversaries atm. Maybe follow up honoria's advice re the counselling?

lucky being a relative term - in that if you were really lucky you would have had an uneventful delivery at term.

used2bthin · 18/10/2007 21:42

I completely understand what you are going through as I had a similar thing around DD's 1st birthday too(3weeks ago). Tbh, I still feel a bit weird now it's like an obsession sometimes, I want to go over it all in my mind but can't remember it then will suddenly remember something someone said. I wonder if at the time we had to force ourselves to be numb against it as it was too unbearable and that means it's still sinking in if that makes sense? I know when I remember bits it shocks me, almost as if I am thinking how awful for that mother(me). Sorry this is a bit rambling but I know what I mean I'm just not very coherant tonight!

FunkyGlassSlipupandyouredead · 18/10/2007 21:46

My DD1s birth was traumatic. I remember the sight of her being grey and floppy, and then sitting in a room for an hour (after they rushed her to SCBU) not knowing whether to be happy or sad until we finally got a polaroid of her and confirmation she was ok.

That was 3.5 years ago and it can still bring a tear to my eye. I had mild PND after my first and I am sure it was down to the birth experience. My 2nd was simpler and I felt much better.

Dont beat yourself up over this. Have a look www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/

peskipixie · 18/10/2007 21:47

i cant think of anything to say other than random swear words tbh, saying it wasnt the worst doesnt really sum up your second post. i think you deserve to get upset about it, i know there have been lots of threads about birth trauma on here maybe searching for them would be helpful? (i know people have put useful stuff on there)

clutteredup · 18/10/2007 21:49

I did too with Ds and dd1, dd2 not 1 yet, altohugh i didn't have a particularly traumatic time or anything. Perhaps it is quite common. They say ( whoever 'they'are - )that it takes a year to recover from having a baby , perhaps its the final hurdle to get through before full recovery. It sounds like you are having a rough time thiugh, poor you, it might be worth talking to your HV, she might just be able to put your mind at reat that it will pass, or refer you to counselling if you need it. Happy Birthday to you LO.

bluejelly · 18/10/2007 21:51

Definitely talk to someone about it, eg a counsellor or a good friend. I remember feeling very unsettled by my dd's birth, and it wasn't till about a year later that I go rather drunk and just started wailing about it. Went on for about an hr, and felt so much better the next day, have barely thought about it since.

I think these things stay and fester in your brain unless you get them out somehow.

really feel for you though, sounds like you had a horribly scarey time

DottydotsofBloodOnTheFloor · 18/10/2007 21:52

Dp's and my experience is far less traumatic but we both felt the same when it was ds1's and 2's first birthday. We both had emergency sections and I got lots of flashbacks coming up to both ds's first birthdays and found the whole time very depressing and upsetting.

Ds's are 5 and 3 now and it's got much easier - far more able to concentrate on the happy stuff. I just think if you've had a traumatic time at the birth - and yours sounds horrendous - it brings it all back.

oranges · 18/10/2007 21:56

I didn't have as horrific a time as you with ds's birth - he was fine, but I had awful tears and took ages to heal, and also felt incredibly weepy and scared around his first birthday. And no one understood -they just wanted a party, while I just wanted to curl up with him and remember how lovely he is and how he is worth all that pain.
Don't know what to say, but to give you lots of online support and that what you are feeling is not as unusual as you may think.xxx

massivebigpumpkinface · 18/10/2007 22:05

by compasison, my dd's birth waas not traumatic but even so i suffered ptsd and flashbacks every thursday ( the night she was born) and most other nights for 3 months after she was born. At 3 months i thought that it was not getting easier o9f fading at all so i posted a 'cry for help' thread such as this on mn.
With some great support and encouragement from mn, through the tears i contacted my midwife and the bta who were fantastic. i had a meeting with my midwife who, with the help of my notes, talked me through every step of the labour and birth. In my case this put to rest all the worry, guilt and feelings of shock and trauma that i felt and quite literally, from that day on i was ok.

It doesn't matter how long ago it was, but it is possibly the hardest thing you have ever gone through, so it is not surprising it has left these feelings with you.
Speak to Bta and remember that there are peple who do understand on mn and who can help you through this.

used2bthin · 18/10/2007 22:19

Does anyone know if there is a phone number or helpline for the BTA? I've just looked through and it seems contact is just through e mail?

massivebigpumpkinface · 18/10/2007 22:31

this useful

massivebigpumpkinface · 18/10/2007 22:32

couldn't find phone no but hope it is of some support

used2bthin · 18/10/2007 22:46

Sorry was reading through it, its a very useful thread thank you for posting it. And there was a number on there for birth crisis which looks similar to BTA so I think I may ring them(on a brave day)

massivebigpumpkinface · 18/10/2007 22:51

i hope you do used2, i can't tell you how much I benefited from similar support.
I remember phoning and then just breaking down over the phone, apologising and feeling so embarassed. But when the person I spoke to started to talk to me, it was just a wave of relief I felt. I realised that my feelings were perfectly valid, I was not making a mountain out of a molehill as I had previously thought.

used2bthin · 18/10/2007 22:56

I would like to if only to find out where I can get counselling. My trauma was after the birth before DD was diagnosed with her condition(which in itself is taking a lot of adjusting to although luckily there is a great support group)Its a funny thing because in the early days I felt fine just relieved she was ok then it creeps up on you.

massivebigpumpkinface · 18/10/2007 22:58

just found this
my original thread - brought back some memories but ok now
might help you to read, share, empathise, i don't know.

used2bthin · 18/10/2007 23:10

Thank you for sharing that, I hope the OP finds it helpful too when she comes back, I never realised how many people had simlar feelings after births. Glad you are feeling so much better now. By the way, I am like this at night mainly, in the day I am generally ok except thazt I am tired from not sleeping. Must try and get some sleep actually, now that DD sleeps a bt better it drives me mad that I just can't settle!

Tommy · 18/10/2007 23:12

I always get very weepy on DS1's birthday - remembering how bloody awful the whole thing was

Original poster

Bewilderbeast · 19/10/2007 09:16

thank you everyone for helping me feel less alone with this. MBPF I shall read your thread later when I get home from work

OP posts:

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