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Mental health

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Really, really hopeless and down

2 replies

stressedinnovember · 16/11/2020 20:49

I am currently unemployed and really, really struggling with it. The part of it I am mainly feeling down about is having to rely on previous employers to provide references and having to relinquish that aspect of control.

Last week I lost out on being able to apply to my dream role because I could not get hold of my reference at all and they missed the deadline to submit the reference. I put so much effort into my application but because my reference missed the deadline my application was rejected. I am really struggling to come to terms with it and I feel so much anger and hopelessness and sadness.

I am now trying to put it behind me and work on my next application and I have asked them to submit another reference and they aren't replying. I still have a week until the deadline so there is still a tiny glimmer of hope but I have just lost all motivation. For the roles I am applying to I need a reference from this particular person (it's hard to explain), they have agreed to be my reference too.

I am so stressed that I feel like my body will collapse from it. I have never felt so stressed before, even writing my master's thesis was a walk in the park compared to this. All my typical stress symptoms have presented - ringing in my ears, acne, eczema, mouth ulcers. I am really struggling to cope with it all.

I don't know why I'm responding so badly to this situation when other stressful situations have not caused such a response in me. I think it is having to trust others to abide by their word - I can't trust anyone to do this. I am independent and hate having to rely on others.

OP posts:
User258544 · 17/11/2020 10:20

This really is not on by your referee. Have they agreed previously to be a referee for you? I'm not sure of the roles you are applying for but do they have to provide a reference before interview? I thought that you were allowed to ask for them not to be contacted until after interview (e.g. if they are yoir current employer it could get awkward) therefore all you need to give is their contact details.

Oops just read that they have agreed to be a referee.

stressedinnovember · 17/11/2020 11:24

Yes they agreed and said they were happy to do it. For this particular role you need a reference submitted before the application deadline as they place a lot of importance on the reference and use it to assess your application before inviting you for an interview.

I have still not had a reply from them. I feel completely stuck and hate having to be so dependent on another person. I know my reference is busy and this is very low priority for them but for me it is literally my entire future.

OP posts:
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