I am currently unemployed and really, really struggling with it. The part of it I am mainly feeling down about is having to rely on previous employers to provide references and having to relinquish that aspect of control.
Last week I lost out on being able to apply to my dream role because I could not get hold of my reference at all and they missed the deadline to submit the reference. I put so much effort into my application but because my reference missed the deadline my application was rejected. I am really struggling to come to terms with it and I feel so much anger and hopelessness and sadness.
I am now trying to put it behind me and work on my next application and I have asked them to submit another reference and they aren't replying. I still have a week until the deadline so there is still a tiny glimmer of hope but I have just lost all motivation. For the roles I am applying to I need a reference from this particular person (it's hard to explain), they have agreed to be my reference too.
I am so stressed that I feel like my body will collapse from it. I have never felt so stressed before, even writing my master's thesis was a walk in the park compared to this. All my typical stress symptoms have presented - ringing in my ears, acne, eczema, mouth ulcers. I am really struggling to cope with it all.
I don't know why I'm responding so badly to this situation when other stressful situations have not caused such a response in me. I think it is having to trust others to abide by their word - I can't trust anyone to do this. I am independent and hate having to rely on others.