Im terrified I'm dying and will leave my son

[Poppy1989]

I'm massively exhausted with how bad my health anxiety is! If Someone says they for don't feel well- I convince myself I don't feel well either. I can get a headache- swear it's a tumour. Stomach ache- I'm dying. Any pain- cancer I'm dying. Moles, rash, feel sick, anything!!! It's constant!
I have this gut feeling that I will die and leave my 2.5 year old son behind. He won't remember me, he won't get to grow up with me as his mum. My chest goes tight when I think of this ( even now writing it) I panic, feel dizzy, feel terrible all over.
What if know one else knows what he likes? What if they don't read the right story? Or put his teddies on the side how he likes? What if he wants a cuddle off me and I'm not there anymore? It breaks my heart just to think about it. Absolutely horrendous feeling rushes over me.
Day time, night time, when I'm in the shower, driving, cooking...anything. I can't breath, I panic, cry, full on panic attack!!

Iv spoken on the phone to a therapist for 2 months now, it hasn't helped. He doesn't understand how I feel. My sons dad doesn't understand either, says it won't happen and says I will always be about.
My head tells me different. It's a feeling that is crushing me.

I could go on and on..... how do I get this to stop.

Speak to your doctor, you might need more than counselling. It's also ok if you don't click with your therapist and want another one.

Have you been through any techniques to control your anxiety? There are lots of tricks you can use to stop yourself spiralling through anxiety thoughts.

You have my sympathies, I suffer from health anxiety too.

Look into EFT tapping, it helped me, didn’t cure me, but definitely helped.

This was me. Please consider medication.
It could give you your life back.
I am now 5 years on, off the medication and able to control this sort of destructive thinking.
There is help out there for you.
Best wishes to you.

Thank you everyone I definitely need help. I cry every single day due to this feeling and I'm extremely unhappy

I could have written this post 6 months ago. I did end up going down the medication route and its given me my life back. I still worry but its no longer absolute terror.

@Northernsoullover I'm terrified. Every day every second I think of it and it's awful. I have normal health anxiety anyway so taking medication would be the absolute last resort. I keep seeing people sick or dying and it's getting in my head and won't go away.

Bless you, living like this you are already half dead so you have nothing to lose by seeking as much help as you possibly can. Speak to the GP again and make it clear how bad it is.

@SandysMam thank you. I think I need to. My therapist in himself is great, but just doesn't seem to be doing what I need it to do. I have even written down letters to my son and family members incase I die and don't have chance to tell them. It's heart breaking that I feel this way. I wouldn't wish it on anyone at all x

I'm sorry I can't be much help op but I too feel like this some days.

I have had health anxiety for years triggered by my father being ill and passing away. It's been absolutely awful at times. One doctor at my surgery said if I need to come to the surgery to put my mind at rest then I must do so. And so should you. Please see your gp and you will likely have tests done such as blood tests etc.

@fantasmasgoria1 I honestly couldn't do that. Being told something is wrong with me makes me feel even worse. I'm convinced that they will tell me in dying and my life will be over

Im struggling with health anxiety at the minute too. I think triggered by the pandemic and giving birth in March and needing some tests and surgery this summer.
I flit from one health worry to the next obsessing over symptoms and over analysing every feeling in my body. I do speak to the doctor about worries but feel I am just dismissed as being anxious so it doesnt reassure me. I wake up every day scared and upset

@GentlyGentlyOhDear
I'm sorry you feel this way too.
It's so scary and upsetting to have such a fear of something that others can't see.
GP,s don't always understand which can cause more upset 😢 I'm here if you ever need to talk. I know it's a lonely place

It is exhausting @Poppy1989 and I try to rationalise that Im unlikely to have all of the illnesses that Im worried about, but there is no reassurance really as no-one can definitively say there's 100% nothing wrong with me!
Have been for a nice country walk with my 2 dds which was a good distraction. Been watching lots of Garden Rescue episodes to try to keep grounded and have planted spring bulbs in the garden for something to look forward to!
Hope youre having a good day.

Hello! I've been there. Keep up with the therapy. You need help and it will make things better in the end but it takes a while.

I know absolutely what you are experiencing and it’s awful. I have the same health anxiety issues and catastrophe thinking. You need to recognise it as just that . Anxiety and catastrophising. You need to break the cycle. When it happens , tell yourself it’s just anxiety and do something to take your mind ‘away from your body and your head’. Go for a walk. Move. Exercise.
I know this is all really easy to say , and harder to do. But I am exactly the same and these things help.
Like you I’m health anxious so the thought of pills and medication to help makes me even more fearful. So I just try and move and rationalise as much as possible.
CBT might help as it helps break the cycle of negative thoughts.
I’ve not tried it but keep meaning to .
Enjoy your boy . Push the dark thoughts away . And good luck x

Hi, i know how your feeling totally. I lost my little boy in september and I had sevear blood loss and since coming out of hospital i have been back abiut 17 times because of the palputations and everything I have convinced myself I am dying and its horrible
Talking therapie doesn't work with me either

It's actually sad how many people feel like this! Did you all talk to others about it? Family or friends? I feel that because my son is 2.5 and not a baby, that people don't think I could have a type of post natal or something. I can go from 0-1000 within seconds, talking to myself that he sensations I'm feeling are so real. The stomachs ache Iv had the last few days have turned me into a crying mess that I'm going to die! When I feel a rational person may just think they don't feel right for a week or so. I wish I could get my head to listen to me when I'm feeling better but the thoughts are so strong.
I have reached out to two friends of mine, one with a child and one without. And both have tried to reassure me, but in the back of my mind.... this is how I will always feel
Wish I could do more to feel like me again. Thank you all for your comments though, just reading them makes me feel less alone in this battle x

Hi Poppy, this sounds like you are experiencing intrusive thoughts about dying which are 'sticking' in your mind (obsessional rumination) and that you are having trouble shifting because your mind is always saying 'but what if?' This is a form of OCD and requires professional help to overcome, you will not get better on your own and your thoughts will probably keep spiralling. The really good news is it is treatable, you can get control of it and you are not alone.

You can find out more about OCD here www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/about-ocd/

I get this. My dad died when l was very young. I live in terror of this happening to my dc. Terror. Not health anxiety as such, but l have severe Covid anxiety.

It’s so hard isn’t it?

[quote Poppy1989]@fantasmasgoria1 I honestly couldn't do that. Being told something is wrong with me makes me feel even worse. I'm convinced that they will tell me in dying and my life will be over [/quote]
I understand this way of thinking 100%. I have health anxiety myself, and put off my smear for TWO YEARS because I was so, so terrified that something was wrong.

I'd convince myself I'd already have cancer so I would have to go through horrible treatments and probably die anyway.

But the thing is, with ANY health condition, it's ALWAAAAAAYS better (I cannot emphasise that enough) to know about it - because not knowing about it won't make it go away.

You have to realise just how unlikely it is that anything is wrong with you - but seeing your GP will help if you have any actual concerns or symptoms. You do need to see them anyway to get the help you need for your anxiety in general, so if there is anything specific you're worried about, talk about it.

FWIW I did eventually have my smear - when it would almost have been time for my next one - and everything was fine. The relief was like nothing I'd ever experienced before, and I didn't realise how much of a half-life I was leading because of the worry.

You need to feel the relief I felt, so please, please, please get some help and talk to your GP.

Statistically speaking, you are likely to watch your son grow up, and probably your grandchildren (and maybe even your great grandchildren, or dare I say it great great grandchildren are even a possibility!!) but you need to enjoy your life instead of wasting it just being so worried x

Poppy, I could have written this. I also suffer health anxiety, and recently waves of panic too. We have an enormous amount on our plate at the moment and think this has made my anxiety worse. I do speak to a therapist regularly and feel like I am also depressed. Wondering whether to go to the doc, to get some AD tablets but I have a session with my counsellor tomorrow and will make a decision then.
I hope you are feeling better. X