How to find counselling

[mbb1]

Hi, I would be really grateful if anyone could tell me where I start looking for counselling for my adult son. He briefly tried medication for his anxiety but stopped and refuses to try again. He is becoming increasingly depressed and isolated and I just don't know where to start to be honest. Thank you

First of all, is he ready to engage with counselling? The fact that you're looking for it on his behalf (while I understand the desire to help) would suggest maybe not in which case it would be a non starter. Just something to think about.

Can he pay for private counselling? It's definitely the fastest way to see someone.

If so the national directory below is a good start.

Counselling Directory.

There will be an NHS Access to Psychological Therapies service in the area but the wait times in many areas are horrendous (9-10 months here for any one on one talking therapy. Also, after an assessment phone call they may only offer some online CBT or similar if he doesn't meet criteria for anything more involved.

His GP might be able to refer into other free professional referral only counselling depending on area but they're not plentiful and again, the waiting times for these in my area are long. Could be worth asking.

Sorry that you're both going through this 💐

Another option.

Anxiety UK offer counselling at a reduced, means tested rate to their members. It's a one off £30 fee to join iirc and he could access phone/zoom counselling within a few weeks with them.

I second the counselling directory, I found it very useful. It came up with a lot of counsellors that I had no idea were around me, even a woman I knew, who I had no idea was one.

Thanks so much. I don't think he is ready to engage with anyone, he seems to have given up. I just want to be able to present him with some options. I will pay, that's not an issue thankfully.

He needs to speak to his GP. Why won’t he take medication?

I know it’s not what you’re looking for but maybe as a start nhs have an online mood assessment with links to relevant pages at the end maybe having a read at that? Hope he feels better soon! X

www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/mood-self-assessment/

When he was on medication and had to go every week to see the gp, he said he felt humiliated.

Speaking to anyone is a massive issue. He hasn't spoken to anyone except his immediate family (me, his siblings and grandad) and v occasionally 1 friend, in over a year I think,

Google 'steps to wellbeing '
See if they are in your locality

Make sure the counsellor you choose is part of a registered body, such as BACP. It means they have a certain level of training and ethics.

How old is he? Over 18?

Is there a different GP he can see? Some are better than others when it comes to mental health. One of the GPs at my surgery laughs at everything, possibly her way of being friendly but not helpful for someone who is feeling very low. It might say on their website if one specialises in mental health

Start on the BACP website or on counselling directory. Is it depression and anxiety alone he suffers with or is there another mental health condition in play here? If it is just anxiety/depression that's good as they are the most common and most therapists treat them so you have a great deal of choice.

Next, where are you and how far can you feasibly travel? Use the filters on the website to narrow down to the options you can get to. Do the same for budget.

Would he bond better with another man or with a woman do you think? Try and find a couple options for each. Don't make a massive shortlist or you'll end up overwhelmed. Get it down to 3 or 4.

The next stage he will have to do himself, he needs pick one or two he likes the look of and contact them and set up a first session. They won't take a client on without meeting him so you'll need his cooperation. Don't get discouraged if the first few choices don't have space. The first 2 I called didn't even call back.

Thanks for all the advice, really grateful

I think the difficulty here is that it sounds like although you very much want counselling for your son and want him to want it, and think it would be helpful (all of which quite probably are true) he does not really want to engage.

It isn't like going to the doctors and being given a treatment - you have to want to go, to talk and to think and look at yourself. The counsellor doesn't tell you things or give advice. He or she provides a space where you can start to think yourself and provides another separate thinking mind who can think carefully and attentively about you without judgement.

Ultimately, he has to want to do the work on himself and get better. It doesn't sound, at the moment, like this is the place he is in. You can try and help but ultimately you can't do the work for him.

Good luck I feel for you x

Why did he need to go weekly?
TBH he won’t get better if he won’t engage with medical professionals and treat the condition.

I think that’s quite an unfair statement to say “TBH he won’t get better if he won’t engage with medical professionals and treat the condition.” As much as I totally understand what you are saying it’s a really difficult thing to do, as I said I would try and give him things to read to understand how he’s feeling is not ok but at the same time nothing to be ashamed about and it might give him the confidence to speak to the people he needs to and get the help he needs. X

It’s not unfair at all. It’s the truth. He’s an adult and you can support him but you can’t fix him. I have suffered with MH issues and no one could have made it better but me. I get that it’s hard but if he won’t engage with the professionals then I don’t see what you can really do.

I’m not saying you’re wrong, I myself have been in the same situation with MH issues but I know it’s a really hard thing to admit and it took me to read into it to see what I was feeling. It just feels a bit harsh to say well if he won’t take face to face help right now nothing can be done x

I know he has to want to do something. I also know he's scared, obviously. It's just that I want to be more prepared and better informed so I can try to help him when he's ready.

He had weekly appointments with the gp because that's what the gp asked for.

Although he may not want to talk to someone yet perhaps keeping a diary or just writing things down might help. It's one way of getting feelings out. My therapist has encouraged this. He can always destroy the paper afterwards. Also breathing exercises but I don't know what he'd think of that either. They won't replace therapy but might help a bit. Good luck