Telling people you have a mental health condition

[tinydancer88]

Hello, just looking for advice (and encouragement, if I'm honest!)

I was diagnosed with anxiety and OCD a few years ago - I mainly experience lots of physical symptoms of anxiety, obsessive and overwhelming worrying, and lots of my compulsions are not very visually obvious - for example, a recurring intrusive thought I have is that I've caused an awful car accident without realising, and so I have to keep checking the local news site to see if any accidents have been reported. I am on sertraline, generally quite good at looking after myself, and have quite a chatty and resilient demeanour, so not somebody you would peg as anxious if you didn't know me very well. I put a lot of effort into moderating and managing my behaviour.

I've been in a relationship with someone for 10 months and it's going really well, we spend a lot of time together, make plans for the future, and are very much in love. I haven't told him about my MH conditions, partly because I don't like to disclose it early on as I feel people make judgements about me, and then as time has gone on I've just found it difficult to bring up. But I am struggling a bit at the moment, and some of my behaviours are now causing an issue and the secrecy around this is making him think I am not committed to our relationship or hiding something from him. Obviously I don't want to cause him any upset so I need to tell him.

I'm intending to do this today after work when we're relaxing at home, to give plenty of time to explain and answer any questions he has. I am worried he won't believe me, because outwardly I do appear to be fine a lot of the time, or that he'll be freaked out. I'd love to hear how others have approached this and how it went, plus any advice for how to make it as constructive a conversation as it can be!

I can relate from the perspective of having a non mental health condition but one that I feel awkward about as it has complications around pregnancy. IME it usually goes better than you think telling someone. I think the longer you leave it the more it feels like you have to explain but really all you need to say is I have xx, this is what it is, this is how it affects me, this is what I do to manage it, at the moment its having a bit of a flare up. You can of course say if you feel embarrassed or nervous mentioning it and they may proffer comments like 'you look fine to me' (a double sided compliment as well thats nice but actually I do struggle sometimes!) or it doesn't bother me etc. He might be concerned or upset that it took so long for you to trust him to tell him but I'd just keep it upbeat that it hasn't been an issue (not that you thought he would judge you).

You should also be proud of yourself for keeping it under control

I'd keep it a bit breezy as a first mention. When there's a good moment, say something like "sorry if I've seemed a bit out of sorts. I do go through periods of struggling with anxiety and some related things, and for some reason it's been a bit of a bad patch lately. Just mentioning because I didn't want you to think I was being off with you as I'm actually very happy with how things are going with us".

It gives him a chance to ask questions if he wants, but hasn't been a 'big reveal' from you, just a reasonably light introduction to everything you're dealing with.

I try to monitor how people are with small things - news articles or TV shows etc

Then I test with small things to do with me and build up. I have bipolar and experiencing post natal depression at the moment. I was talking to my antenatal class about some baby massage I'm doing. I'm doing it because of my condition and pnd to help with bonding. I said to the mums I'm doing it as I was struggling to bond. A few mums I have spoken to separately and I've told them I am struggling with pnd but not the severity or my bipolar. I may well do that down the line.

I find it can be easier to bring it up when it is an explanation for something as it allows me to place it in context and means it's not a brand new conversation that I have to start.