Anyone else with OCD? - Having some really bad days

[pancakebattersuperhero]

I've had OCD (pure O, only ruminations, no compulsions) for as long as I can remember. It got bad after the birth of DC1.

It flares up a lot when I'm stressed, I start obsessing about past events, when I think I behaved badly and hurt someone. I imagine lots of bad scenarios, lots of what ifs. Currently struggling with images of me cheating on DH at the beginning of our relationship. I've never cheated before, but OCD is goading me really badly.

Anyone else here going through the same or similar? Lockdown has really triggered it. I feel like I cannot talk to anybody, unfortunately DH is one of those people who lives in the moment and cannot understand

I know it will eventually go away after a while and then come back about something else.

Hi. Sorry you're struggling so much. I've had OCD as long as I can remember too. It has been quite severe at times (like now and over the summer). It's lonely and exhausting and bites worst when I am already low.
Something from even long ago can just come up out of the blue and I will agonise over it for days.
More often it's current fears.

I know it will eventually go away after a while and then come back about something else

This is my experience too.

Have you spoken to your GP? There may be a local IAPT service too - there can be long waiting lists but they are quite supportive.
Or maybe a private counsellor?
I hope you find some support, it's very tiring.
Best wishes x

@MissRatherTired

Something from even long ago can just come up out of the blue and I will agonise over it for days.

Same for me. I just analysize all minuscule events telling myself I am such a bad person, even when I did nothing bad or wrong. But my OCD tells me "of course you would have done it if you had had the chance". I feel so exhausted.

I have a call at 11 am with my local IATP centre, so we'll see. DH doesn't get it, he never ever worries.

@pancakebattersuperhero

That's great that you've got an IAPT call, this is a great and helpful step to take.

Yes my DP doesn't get it either. In fact I think he's fed up with my issues and is distancing himself. He doesn't seem to see that most of the time I battle these problems very hard and with a reasonable degree of success and function fine, and it's only when I'm extremely low that they get the upper hand - the times when I most need his support are the times he doesn't want to give it. I am lonely and exhausted and low. It will pass, but it's hard.

I hope you have a good call and lots of support.
Xxx

I experience the same type of OCD as you. Sertraline has made a massive difference to my ability to 'interrupt' the spiralling intrusive thoughts so if you haven't discussed medication it might be worth thinking about.

I found my local IAPT service very helpful too for giving me effective strategies to look after myself, so I hope they can do the same for you.

Be kind to yourself, it's bloody knackering!

@MissRatherTired I wish I could be more like DH and live in the moment. IATP lady was good, there's a group starting on Monday (CBT), so fingers crossed xx.

@tinydancer88 I was thinking about it, it seems to get worse as I age, I was hoping it would disappear instead.

It is soo tiring, as it's constantly goading me, telling me I'm a bad person just haven't had my chance to be that bad, if it makes sense. For example: I've never cheated on DH, but my OCD tells "if you had had the chance, you'd have done it, we both know it".

@tinydancer88 yes good point - medication. Citalopram has been helpful in the past for me, just by taking the edge off the anxiety. I've heard good things about Sertraline too.

@pancakebattersuperhero the IAPT route sounds promising 🙂

Best of luck xx

@MissRatherTired Thanks xx

I started crying after dinner (silent crying, nothing too bad) and DH didn't say anything at all! Pretended nothing happened and carried on doing what he was doing. I feel I cannot talk to him about how I feel, everytime I start he says I have no reason to feel the way I feel.

They really don't seem to get it 😕 do they?! I love my DP dearly but often have to seek company and moral support elsewhere, although I have limited options. Sorry you are feeling so low ❤❤. You did well to contact IAPT. Distraction helps sometimes, maybe you could try unstressful TV or a book? At times when your DH isn't feeling supportive, getting yourself some minor helpful distraction might help just a little? Xx