School run anxiety

[LottieBalloo]

Anyone else get this?? I hate doing it. Fills me with dread. No one else can do it at the moment due to covid19. My DS has asd and obvious differences and the other parents have stopped talking to me as the weeks have gone on. I'm sure I'm not imagining the looks!! I honestly don't really care but it tries me out feeling so anxious!

That sounds really stressful. Have they stopped talking to you as they’re trying to maintain distance maybe?

I have had periods I gated the school run.

But I wasn't (still am not) there to make friends or impress anyone, how I thought about it was I was there as a smiling mum to pick up my amazing baby. That's all I more no less.

Once I believed that honestly it became a pleasure to be there regardless of who did or didn't talk to me there is always your phone whilst waiting.

I whole heartedly agree. Hand hold. My kids see at as prime entertainment time. I have to grin and bear it. This too shall pass.

I am actually quite greatfull for having an excuse not to talk people (stupid virus). Have also had a few years to get used to being the 'odd one out'. Dc's started a new school recently and we don't seem nearly as out of place there. Not that's a solution, just a bit of a silver lining for me.

Try and enjoy just being out in the fresh air eventhough the school run is royally shit. Your not the only person to feel like that :)

You are not alone. I know people who don't usually have mental health issues who've had anxiety over this. A few parents revert to being like teenagers again on the school yard and can be bitchy. Not only women either. I hadn't experienced this since being at primary school myself and haven't since my kids left, so it was a shock. It's a relief when kids go to secondary and you don't have to do it any more. You could go on your phone

Thanks all, glad to know it's not just me!

I feel for you, I hope there is less judgement these days with social distancing.

I would recommend headphones in, put all your favourite happy songs on a school run playlist, and smile. PPs have it spot on - it's just 10 mins of your day, and looks or no, people are way more interested in their own children than they are in a random, not so chatty mum. It's not your job to pass some hidden social exam, you are just there to pick up your beautiful son.

I’m with you

Oh God I hated it so much. It does end eventually though.

That’s what earphones, blasting music, face mask & social distancing were invented for.

You will see me in the playground with all of the above.
I couldn’t tell you who the kids are in my kids class let alone who the parents are.
Keep myself to myself, drop off and piss off, no anxiety involved, just complete avoidance.

Ps I’m sure that they are all lovely, but I don’t care and I’m not interested.

Hi @LottieBalloo

I have several clients who have the same anxiety (I'm a therapist) and it does seem the school gate can be a pretty intimidating place.

Have a go at this technique - when you are home and comfortable focus on a time you felt calm and confident and really take a moment to fully experience that moment - how did it feel? How did your face feel when you where calm and confident? Spend a little time sitting with that feeling and how it felt. You may also want to add what's called an 'anchor' so as you experience the positive feeling just smell a pleasant aroma - some essential oil or something (one you don't already associate with anything, so not a familiar fragrance). Then, when you are headed to the gate and feel the anxiety rising, focus on the feeling of calm confidence and have your chosen aroma on a tissue to just take a little sniff of and that will help you to get into the calm state. With practice you will find it quicker and easier to trigger the calm state.

You may also want to talk to someone about resolving the underlying cause of the anxiety too.

Good luck! I hope this helps.

Kate xx

@LottieBalloo I'm the exact same,my son is autistic and wears ear defenders,he's in year six and hasn't once been invited to a party or for tea,I absolutely hate the school run and the parent pacts they have .. I count days down to the holidays!
The stares the pity looks it drives me mad!
I wear my headphones and listen to my favourite music until my son comes out then I just look at him and talk to him .. Iv tried to form friendships but nothings ever come of it,I don't have many friends and don't go out I'm always on my own AMA it's shit absolutely shit!
Sending you a huge virtual hug xx

Thanks all. Great tips @KateLink the stupid thing is, for work, I give presentations and training, I present in high profile meetings, but when I get to the school gate I feel like an awkward teenages again. I will try your tip.
Ah @debbie1977 I'm sorry, isn't it hard. We will have to be virtual school run mum friends!

@LottieBalloo

Totally understand - I used to be the same - I would stand up and do presentations at conferences, training etc... For me it was my boss - as soon as he called me in for a meeting my heart would race, the anxiety would rise and I'd turn into a jabbering idiot!!! Let me know how you get on with the technique, or if you want I can teach you it on a zoom meeting, it'll only take a few minutes :)

Yes. My son went to a school we both hated and twice a day I had to go there and I would feel like crap. I never made friends with any of the parents at all, but they would always give me dirty looks. No one understood why I had such bad anxiety over it.

Now we are at a different school and although I still don't talk to the other parents, I feel a lot better.

Make the school run a small part of a better activity that you enjoy. Running, getting a coffee and sitting in the park, a tennis lesson, trip to the library etc (Covid willing of course). That way the dread should be less, as it's only a 'quick stop' on the way to or from a good activity.

I've outsourced the school run!
Daddy does it as he works shifts or the childminder as I'm usually working but can't stand the little clicks it's awful - when I was on maternity leave and did it I hated it so big 🖐 hold

Yup- its shit. I haven’t come across behaviour like this all my adult life. It was such a shock! I reckon the old school bullies lay dormant until they have kids. It seems its the same everywhere. Big love to you, you’re not alone.

I was relieved when my youngest was nearing the end of primary school and my school run days were suddenly coming to an end. I'd had mixed feelings about it over the years, but knew that I wouldn't miss it.

She is 18 now and at uni, so the school run is a fairly distant memory now.