EUPD and thriving - what helps you?

[ChalkDinosaur]

Have seen a few EUPD/BPD threads recently and noticed that there were a few of us saying we had EUPD but had got to the point of managing daily life quite well.

I want to know, from people who have tackled the worst of their BPD but still have to manage it, what helps you?

For my part, the schema and DBT I've done have really helped curb my behaviours and get me back to a decent quality of life. In daily life now I find it helps: having a supportive DH that I communicate well with; not drinking to excess; regular counselling (but I think I need to switch to a psychologist or someone with more EUPD knowledge); being mindful of not taking on too much; trying not to compare myself to people not living with a mental illness!

Work is still something I feel I haven't really sorted yet - the job I trained for will likely always be too stressful for me, I've had other roles which were less stress but maybe didn't push me as much as I'd like. Currently on a career break because I have a preschool DD and am pregnant.

Would be interested to hear how others manage work/older DC/life in general as time goes by...

Tl;Dr - If you're 'over the worst' of BPD, please come and talk to me about how to thrive over the years.

(I use BPD and EUPD interchangeably, obviously just use the one you prefer...)

I think I've had about a total of 11 years of therapy at this point! 3 years in my 20s on the NHS when I was first diagnosed and much more unwell, and the rest in various other forms (NHS, private, charity) later on, for various reasons. I think if I can afford it, I might well stay in therapy for the rest of my life. Not necessarily constantly, since breaks seem to have their own benefits for me, but frequently.

I guess I've massively downgraded my own expectations of my life, which has helped with my life satisfaction. I won't ever have the kind of life I planned back when I was studying and making plans, but a different, more low key kind of life can be good in its own way. I doubt I'll ever cope with working FT, for example, or working a stressful job. This has obvious implications for finances. I also won't have the kind of family I'd dreamt of having, and that can't be helped. It's all been about trying to find new, smaller, more realistic dreams, and finding contentment in the things I do have. Age and therapy have both helped, I'm sure.

I'm not thriving this year at all, because what I thrive on is routine, security and predictable stability, and this year has had very little of that going on. I'm confident there will be better times again, though.

Thanks for replying, I don't know anyone IRL with BPD who isn't quite unwell still so it's really interesting to hear from someone who's situation is probably more similar to my own.

Agree on the not thriving this year thing, it's not been great has it? But I suppose compared to myself a few years ago I'm doing a lot better.

I think I'll also be doing therapy more or less forever... I had an excellent NHS therapist but I find it hard to find someone privately that I feel really gets it. I suppose that will come in time, but it can be an exhausting process!

I can really identify with having to find contentment in a simpler life... In many ways things haven't worked out as 19 year old me would have liked/expected but I just can't handle the pressure of some things. I think it takes a lot of self-knowledge/confidence to truly accept that... I'd say it's a work in progress atm!

Definitely agree that a more low key life can be very satisfying.

I agree that better times will definitely be ahead.

For me it’s been DBT and stripping my life down to be much less stressful and more structured. I’m not working at the moment and to be honest I’m not sure if I ever will again which scares me but I’m doing much better since I stopped.

The work thing is so hard isn't it? I also don't think I'll ever work FT again (haven't for years anyway) and even PT I have to be careful about what I take on. I find it hard when I compare myself to others, but ultimately it needs to be about staying well.

I also feel loads better when things are simpler, and definitely the structure helps with the anxiety side of things. How do you create structure @Pinkandpurplehairedlady?

I have routines, so up at a certain time, exercise for 30mins, get kids up and to school, 40 mins housework a day, walking the dogs etc. I find the routine really helps keep me grounded so even when my head is going funny I know what I need to do next.

I'm finding it really hard to create structure when things keep changing right now. Like before this second lockdown, I was only just starting to get a weekly routine going, after trying to do so since the first one ended. And in one day all of it went away again. I've tried my best (with the help of my therapist over the phone) to do something, but as it's all happening here at home within the same four walls, it's somehow harder. It seems I depend a lot on different activities taking place within their own spaces, preferably with same and separate people (as in, I'd not want to have "work people" also become "gym people", for example), and at the same time on the same days.

That sounds good @Pinkandpurplehairedlady, I also find that routine helps - basically the less thinking the better. I'd like to get to a point of having better dialy routines, I'm good at getting my DD in a routine but definitely less disciplined when it comes to my own needs!

That sounds hard @InTheseUncertainTimes, it must the very difficult when so much of your routine was based outside of the house. It's good that you've tried to maintain things, even though it is bloody hard at the moment. I think the unpredictability makes it harder? Does for me anyway!