I don’t even know anymore

[wombatsandaplant]

I feel so rough. I just have a big deep pit in my stomach. I just want to cry but I can’t, it’s just not happening. I’m functioning well on the surface, I’m going to the gym three times a week, I’m attending online college classes. But I just feel like I’m slipping so much.

I’m thinking of ways I can kill myself. I really want to stay for Christmas but I just feel like I can’t. I want to self harm so much, I self harmed a bit two weeks ago and haven’t since but I can’t stop thinking about it.

The voices are commanding me to stop taking my anti psychotic. Which I am still taking but very reluctantly.

I’m in so much emotional pain it’s ridiculous. Still not close to where I was last year but I feel like I’m getting closer to it again.

My psychiatrist has been contacted and an appointment is being sent out but who knows how long that’ll be.

I just feel like I’m falling and no one is there to catch me.

Hi, have you told your mental health team exactly what you have written here?
If you phone them tomorrow & read out your OP then they may well speed up your psychiatrist appointment? Just an idea.

Take care & do keep taking the meds x

Psychiatrist is only in Tuesday and Wednesday so no point doing that unfortunately. Thanks though.

You managed to go two weeks clean OP, which is a great step do keep taking the meds, and while it may feel like you can’t do it anymore, you can. It’s not long until Tuesday now. Take it hour by hour. If not, even ten minutes at a time is OK.

What do you do at college? Could maybe letting your wellness team know to help lessen the workload (if you have lots of work to do?). Stay strong, it’s tough but I know you can do this