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How do I stop myself feeling like a failure? Any good tips for improving confidence?

4 replies

ASunshineyDay · 07/11/2020 14:23

I had a terrible childhood, didn't have a mother around (she was sectioned when I was a child and never came out of hospital permanently) and never wanted kids, I just didn't think I would be able to look after them. Dd was conceived while I was on the pill. She's now 20 :). I then had ds who is 19.

I have had loads of counselling but I still made mistakes. Got divorced. Had a job I loved and mucked it up but got promoted, over my head. My son has severe mental health problems (looks like v similar to my mum but I made sure he got help early on) and will probably be on medication for life though the doctors are v happy with him. My daughter has mild social anxiety but is doing well. I am very proud of both of them.

I am v senior in my job, as senior as I could get in my field but I shouldn't really be in this job - I would be far happier 2 steps down - and I know external people often comment that I'm in over my head as someone has actually told me this. I quit the job in 2018 and someone far more experienced took over the role but just before coronavirus, he quit because he couldn't handle the job and they offered it back to me at a huge salary so I took it. But i am drowning in it.

I have so many people that rely on me. My kids, dp (who lost his job before coronavirus and hasn't got another), my father (who doesn't have money to make ends meet) and even the dog who totally relies on me to wake up, take him out for a wee, feed him etc. Yet I feel like a failure. I feel like I do no job well. I feel like people are criticising and questioning me all the time - and I know in reality they are because sometimes they do it to my face.

I just need some tips to improve my confidence and I'm struggling to find them. I need to be able to confidently push back when someone questions if I should be doing the job, looking after the dog properly, parenting etc. Does anyone have any good tips??

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 07/11/2020 14:32

My tip is - your DP needs to be doing more.

He should be up sitting the dog, especially if you’re working and he’s not.

Is he the kids dad? Whether he is or isn’t could he offer more support to your kids? Listening/practical? So it isn’t all on you.

They offered you the job again - they believe in you.

You’ve built a big life with loads of positives despite a terrible start. Look at yourself in the mirror and say thank you, thank you for working so hard to build this life.

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/11/2020 14:32

*dealing with the dog not sitting!

ASunshineyDay · 07/11/2020 14:34

thanks @AtrociousCircumstance - I think I need to practice the mirror talking

no he's not their dad. He is also v good at getting what he needs/wants - this weekend has really made me realise that. I need to force him up early to sort the dog out. He was meant to do it today so I could go for a run but he didn't. I'm upstairs working now and have left him to it!

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 07/11/2020 14:46

Yeah he sounds part of the problem, you’re capable and doing so much and he’s coasting in your wake. It needs to be a very real and pressing issue between you that unless he does his share then your relationship is not workable.

You deserve a partner, not a hanger on.

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